After some thought-provoking reads for Campus Ecology, I have been thinking more critically about friendships, namely those here at St. Olaf.
We're all such busy individuals and go about our days in very individualistic ways: we plan our lives around our classes, commitments, activities, jobs and not around those of anyone else. Some do manage to see a boyfriend or girlfriend quite a bit, but it seems like if any relationship is to suffer due to our individuality, it's a friendship. As far as our friends on campus go, "out of sight, out of mind" seems to be the rule. We don't fall into good conversations with people who live on the other side of the Heights the way we do with our neighboring friends. I think part of the reason is because the friends across campus don't fit into our cozy, autonomous routine and thus seeing and communicating with them requires expending more energy than the typical over-booked Ole seems able or willing to do.
Then I think about the quality of conversation we do have in chance moments between the hubub. Sometimes, we fall into talks in which we feel comfortable enough to tell what's really on our minds: "man, I really hate this class because..." or "I feel more alive because it's springtime" or "this is what I think about the meaning of life, about religion, or about family." These times in which we truly connect with those around us are beautiful and precious. They are also rare. More often than not, conversation falls to "hey how are you" without really intending to receive or listen to the answer. Or, discourse falls to more superficial subjects such as other people, the work we have to do and an almost competition to see who's more miserable. We're either too distracted or too busy to really listen and give one another the time they deserve.
I love the people I've gotten to know here and I know I'm anything but the ideal friend at times. It's troubling to think that we are hardly conscious of how little respect we give one another. Friendship is one of the most worthy things we can hope to accomplish in our time at St. Olaf. Perhaps if we were mindful of these relationships, if we stopped and took the time for conversation with one another, we wouldn't feel so rushed all the time.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
sinking
Hey everyone,
I promise I've been meaning to update about Budapest and I will once I feel happy enough to do it justice for the most wonderful week it was...
Right now, however, I feel like I need to lock myself in my room and scream. It's everything at once: the band, and the hall, and the coffeehouse, and classes, and the future plans. All of it is piling up one after the other and I'm at the bottom with no hope of getting back on top of it all again for quite some time. Part of me feels "silly girl, you shouldn't have commited to so much" but the other part remembers that it hasn't been this bad the whole year! For the most part, I've been happily busy and I've really enjoyed what I do. So what's going on right now? My new best friend, my planner, is full of meetings, projects, reminders, and things I have to get done so that there's literally no more room to write down my assignments for school. I keep thinking "as soon as ____ is done, it'll be ok" but I have to realize that this is a lot more than just one hall event or one moment in band.
Tears are always bubbling up just under my surface. Tonight I cried in public and then some more and I realized afterward that no one stopped to help... I mean, I was talking to someone but there was no "Lauren, are you ok?" or "would you like a hug" nothing... I just kept trying to stop the tears and wiping them away when I could not. It wasn't until I got back to Mellby that I got some support. Support... yeah, that's definitely missing in my life right now. There's no Jimmy. He's not here and I can't see him until the end of June. I have to face that. But the other stuff... where is it coming from? I feel as if everything got so busy so suddenly that there's nothing I can do to renegotiate my schedule and, of course, no one can help. On the whole, my friends outside the hall are too busy with their own worries and troubles to help me. But, I really do need some help and support. I'm living in constant fear of sobbing or snapping or collapsing (literally... the CFS is not going to let me keep up with a schedule of no breaks from morning until late at night for much longer).
I wish that people would remember how much of a difference they make! In my super-hysterical state, the little bad things that happen get magnified but so do the small good things people do. Tonight, I talked to Kristin A., Josh, Lisa, Christine and Peter at the front desk and I could have kissed them all for the relief it was to have people care and sympathize with what was happening to me right when I needed it most. My life is spinning out of my control and now, it's those nice things people are doing that keep me going.
I promise I've been meaning to update about Budapest and I will once I feel happy enough to do it justice for the most wonderful week it was...
Right now, however, I feel like I need to lock myself in my room and scream. It's everything at once: the band, and the hall, and the coffeehouse, and classes, and the future plans. All of it is piling up one after the other and I'm at the bottom with no hope of getting back on top of it all again for quite some time. Part of me feels "silly girl, you shouldn't have commited to so much" but the other part remembers that it hasn't been this bad the whole year! For the most part, I've been happily busy and I've really enjoyed what I do. So what's going on right now? My new best friend, my planner, is full of meetings, projects, reminders, and things I have to get done so that there's literally no more room to write down my assignments for school. I keep thinking "as soon as ____ is done, it'll be ok" but I have to realize that this is a lot more than just one hall event or one moment in band.
Tears are always bubbling up just under my surface. Tonight I cried in public and then some more and I realized afterward that no one stopped to help... I mean, I was talking to someone but there was no "Lauren, are you ok?" or "would you like a hug" nothing... I just kept trying to stop the tears and wiping them away when I could not. It wasn't until I got back to Mellby that I got some support. Support... yeah, that's definitely missing in my life right now. There's no Jimmy. He's not here and I can't see him until the end of June. I have to face that. But the other stuff... where is it coming from? I feel as if everything got so busy so suddenly that there's nothing I can do to renegotiate my schedule and, of course, no one can help. On the whole, my friends outside the hall are too busy with their own worries and troubles to help me. But, I really do need some help and support. I'm living in constant fear of sobbing or snapping or collapsing (literally... the CFS is not going to let me keep up with a schedule of no breaks from morning until late at night for much longer).
I wish that people would remember how much of a difference they make! In my super-hysterical state, the little bad things that happen get magnified but so do the small good things people do. Tonight, I talked to Kristin A., Josh, Lisa, Christine and Peter at the front desk and I could have kissed them all for the relief it was to have people care and sympathize with what was happening to me right when I needed it most. My life is spinning out of my control and now, it's those nice things people are doing that keep me going.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
House of Hope
Hi everyone -- Long time no blog! I just got back from Ruth's House of Hope in Faribault which is a halfway house/shelter for women from a variety of backgrounds and experiences who need a safe place to raise children, get back on their feet, recover from drug addictions, find jobs and homes, and get their lives together. This is part of a service learning project for Feminist Theology and it was the primary reason I didn't drop the course. Our task was to drive in, interview some of the women who live there, hear their stories and we will compile them as a fundraiser for the shelter to show the positive impact it has. Positive impact is an understatement. It is all too easy when you come from a school like St. Olaf to forget the hardships that people endure while they are here on Earth. Talking to these women opens your mind to the gift of living and the power of hope.
After we interviewed women in the house, a staff member said she would like to tell us her story but that we should go someplace else. Gina is studying human services at a school in Owatonna and is an intern at Ruth's House. At the Java Live coffeehouse downtown, we listened to Gina, who was raised in Northfield amid physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Despite this, she has vowed to break the cycles of abuse that consumed her family growing up. She is 38 and has four children, whom she is raising in a safe, healthy environment so they won't have to search for answers the rest of their lives as she has. She talked about how that abuse and the things that people say in anger never really go away -- people tell you to forget them and it's not possible because they have become a part of who you are. I really understood what she meant by this, but I have never faced the trials that she lived ith every day. What amazed me most about Gina was the faith she showed in God. She believes that God is watching over her and helping her to get through the earlier parts of her life, giving her courage to face what has happened and prevent it from continuing. It was uncanny coincidence that led Gina to Ruth's House and she has so many moving personal experiences that guide her to live a better life than she thought she ever could.
Hearing her speak made me realize that things do happen for reasons and that people are sent into our lives to make a difference. Meeting Jimmy has to be one of those things... He hasn't had the easiest life either, but he has shown me that I am worthy and deserve of love and happiness. Before, I had wondered before if they could ever really happen for me. It makes me appreciate my mother and father and brother all the more because they want the best for all of us and many families don't have parents who care so much. There is so much wonder and beauty in simply living your life and finding happiness in the fact that you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and people who care about you. Sometimes we think of these things as our rights, not as a privilege worthy of eternal thanks. Where has my faith in God been? I felt so alone and so confused. Volunteering this morning definitely made me see the world and my own experiences in an entirely different light. That place really is a house of hope, not just for the people who live there but for those who pass through.
After we interviewed women in the house, a staff member said she would like to tell us her story but that we should go someplace else. Gina is studying human services at a school in Owatonna and is an intern at Ruth's House. At the Java Live coffeehouse downtown, we listened to Gina, who was raised in Northfield amid physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Despite this, she has vowed to break the cycles of abuse that consumed her family growing up. She is 38 and has four children, whom she is raising in a safe, healthy environment so they won't have to search for answers the rest of their lives as she has. She talked about how that abuse and the things that people say in anger never really go away -- people tell you to forget them and it's not possible because they have become a part of who you are. I really understood what she meant by this, but I have never faced the trials that she lived ith every day. What amazed me most about Gina was the faith she showed in God. She believes that God is watching over her and helping her to get through the earlier parts of her life, giving her courage to face what has happened and prevent it from continuing. It was uncanny coincidence that led Gina to Ruth's House and she has so many moving personal experiences that guide her to live a better life than she thought she ever could.
Hearing her speak made me realize that things do happen for reasons and that people are sent into our lives to make a difference. Meeting Jimmy has to be one of those things... He hasn't had the easiest life either, but he has shown me that I am worthy and deserve of love and happiness. Before, I had wondered before if they could ever really happen for me. It makes me appreciate my mother and father and brother all the more because they want the best for all of us and many families don't have parents who care so much. There is so much wonder and beauty in simply living your life and finding happiness in the fact that you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and people who care about you. Sometimes we think of these things as our rights, not as a privilege worthy of eternal thanks. Where has my faith in God been? I felt so alone and so confused. Volunteering this morning definitely made me see the world and my own experiences in an entirely different light. That place really is a house of hope, not just for the people who live there but for those who pass through.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Budapest
Hi everyone... I'm off to Budapest tomorrow to see Jimmy for the first time in months. I'm a bit anxious about the logistics of getting there and back alone, but I can't wait to see him!!! What a wonderful (and impromptu) spring break!!! I'll be back in Chanhassen on the 24th, so I can see family and friends. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday from school, whenever it may be!! Much love.
Monday, March 14, 2005
i thank You God for most this amazing day
i thank You God for most this amazing day
e.e. cummings
i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how could tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any – lifted from the no
of all nothing – human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
Friday, March 11, 2005
RAND BABY!
Next year, I will be the student hall coordinator of Rand Hall.
I'm so excited! I can't believe I actually got the job! Senior year will rock my face off!
I'm so excited! I can't believe I actually got the job! Senior year will rock my face off!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
the scarf
The scarf I am knitting is truly a thing of majesty.
At least, it's more majestic than anything I've created lately. While adding inches to it over the past few nights, it occured to me how representative of my life with Jimmy it is. Our relationship was a long time in the making, like the scarf I've been devoting all my spare moments to. Once going, the scarf's stitches are even and regular (of which I'm REALLY proud since this is attempt #1) -- they interlock with one another like moments in time, some better made than others, but each depending upon the previous stitches and supporting the next ones. The very best stitches would be nowhere without some variation. Its color is a secret right now to Jimmy, but I will hint that it is deep and beautiful and timeless. This whole creation has come to be something I depend on greatly -- consolation after a hard day, my companion during good times with friends, and a constant reminder of love and my wonderful boyfriend who is thousands of miles away. And, the scarf is huge; it keeps going and going. When it is finished, it will be worn to provide warmth and comfort. Its story will change from a work in progress to a masterpiece whose tale has just begun.
It's only 12 days until I leave to deliver this gift to its new owner... I can't wait! I'm on pins and [knitting] needles.
At least, it's more majestic than anything I've created lately. While adding inches to it over the past few nights, it occured to me how representative of my life with Jimmy it is. Our relationship was a long time in the making, like the scarf I've been devoting all my spare moments to. Once going, the scarf's stitches are even and regular (of which I'm REALLY proud since this is attempt #1) -- they interlock with one another like moments in time, some better made than others, but each depending upon the previous stitches and supporting the next ones. The very best stitches would be nowhere without some variation. Its color is a secret right now to Jimmy, but I will hint that it is deep and beautiful and timeless. This whole creation has come to be something I depend on greatly -- consolation after a hard day, my companion during good times with friends, and a constant reminder of love and my wonderful boyfriend who is thousands of miles away. And, the scarf is huge; it keeps going and going. When it is finished, it will be worn to provide warmth and comfort. Its story will change from a work in progress to a masterpiece whose tale has just begun.
It's only 12 days until I leave to deliver this gift to its new owner... I can't wait! I'm on pins and [knitting] needles.
Friday, February 25, 2005
green design
As a continuation from last semester's St. Olaf landscape project, I've been thinking a lot about the design of our campus. Environmental issues weren't really on the radar when Holland or Mellby were built, but the structures still incorportate a lot of light, are inviting, inspire intellectual activity (this is mostly attributed to the Norman Gothic architectural style of this building era), and are solid pieces of architecture.
Wendell Berry gave these critera for intelligent and ecological building design:
*right scale
*simplicity
*efficient use of resources
*close fit between means and ends
*durability
*redundance (as in there are backup systems in case something goes wrong)
*resilience
Are these characteristics exemplified in our campus buildings?
What about Buntrock Commons which makes an effective use of natural lighting, carpet squares that can be easily replaced, cleaned, and reused, durable furniture and building materials (e.g. limestone is much more durable than brick and was once produced locally), but it very grandiose and perhaps too ambitious for a campus center? Is it an efficient use of resources for the college? Will the new Science Center be well-designed? What about the older buildings? Holland Hall, Old Main, Mellby Hall, Rolvaag Library? Do these exemplify good design values?
What kind of impression does our overall campus plan (look, placement, landscaping) have on visitors and students?
I'm very curious to see what you all think...
Wendell Berry gave these critera for intelligent and ecological building design:
*right scale
*simplicity
*efficient use of resources
*close fit between means and ends
*durability
*redundance (as in there are backup systems in case something goes wrong)
*resilience
Are these characteristics exemplified in our campus buildings?
What about Buntrock Commons which makes an effective use of natural lighting, carpet squares that can be easily replaced, cleaned, and reused, durable furniture and building materials (e.g. limestone is much more durable than brick and was once produced locally), but it very grandiose and perhaps too ambitious for a campus center? Is it an efficient use of resources for the college? Will the new Science Center be well-designed? What about the older buildings? Holland Hall, Old Main, Mellby Hall, Rolvaag Library? Do these exemplify good design values?
What kind of impression does our overall campus plan (look, placement, landscaping) have on visitors and students?
I'm very curious to see what you all think...
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
and now it's time for our staff update!
This will have to be short since "A Sand County Almanac" is calling me to bed... to read in bed!!! It's a favorite pastime of mine to curl up under the covers and enjoy a good book.
In the last few days, I have:
-decided to go for the SHC position
-written 7 (yes, 7) papers including a long outline for a presentation and an even longer application to be an SHC
-written recommendations for my excellent friends so that they too may partake in the goodness that is student staff
-hosted an Un-Birthday Party for Mellby with my fellow RAs... it was quite the soiree and I ended up with a "Playdough" award from the Hall Council for my ability to make event happen
-smashed it up (SSB: Melee) and actually won a few times against the avid gamers of Mellb
-listened to a lot of John Adams
-eaten a considerable amount of chocolate (white, milk, dark, truffle, kiss, toblerone, hot, etc.)
-let my room get "Past the Point of No Return" (only Phantom fans will get that)... but not in that good panty change way!
-had my SHC interview which I actually think went pretty damn well
-learned more new things about myself (my one big breaking of quiet hours with my residents!)
-gotten really excited at the prospect of more res life staff-age next year
-considered dropping my terrible feminist theology class
-bought Grant and myself t-shirts in honor of V-Week: mine says "I heart Vaginas"
-finally had a moment to chill out and thus the blog update
I think that's all from my side of things.... I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I'll be going home to read for the Chaska Invite and frolic with good friends in Chan on Friday eve. I can't wait! Ciao for now.....
In the last few days, I have:
-decided to go for the SHC position
-written 7 (yes, 7) papers including a long outline for a presentation and an even longer application to be an SHC
-written recommendations for my excellent friends so that they too may partake in the goodness that is student staff
-hosted an Un-Birthday Party for Mellby with my fellow RAs... it was quite the soiree and I ended up with a "Playdough" award from the Hall Council for my ability to make event happen
-smashed it up (SSB: Melee) and actually won a few times against the avid gamers of Mellb
-listened to a lot of John Adams
-eaten a considerable amount of chocolate (white, milk, dark, truffle, kiss, toblerone, hot, etc.)
-let my room get "Past the Point of No Return" (only Phantom fans will get that)... but not in that good panty change way!
-had my SHC interview which I actually think went pretty damn well
-learned more new things about myself (my one big breaking of quiet hours with my residents!)
-gotten really excited at the prospect of more res life staff-age next year
-considered dropping my terrible feminist theology class
-bought Grant and myself t-shirts in honor of V-Week: mine says "I heart Vaginas"
-finally had a moment to chill out and thus the blog update
I think that's all from my side of things.... I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I'll be going home to read for the Chaska Invite and frolic with good friends in Chan on Friday eve. I can't wait! Ciao for now.....
Saturday, February 19, 2005
I love my floor
Tonight we sang Disney songs to one another while talking about Gerry, LOTR, the craziness that is my room, my SHC application, and breaking quiet hours. Oops! I love my floor so much. I almost wish I could wrap myself in the warmth of these wonderful people and remember that, even when things might get sad, things like friendship and love break all boundaries. What if I hadn't been in Mellby this year? My life would be less rich for not knowing the girls I'm priviledged live with. I love you all.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
what to do?
This post is looking for advice:
I am not sure whether to apply for a Senior Resident Assistant position next year or for a Student Hall Coordinator position.
As an SRA I would be doing a very similar job to what I'm doing now. I could try to live in Mellby next year, the building I've loved even more than my house at home. There's a chance I wouldn't make it in, but there's a chance I would. I know I could do a great job.
As an SHC, I couldn't live in Mellby. I would be in a higher leadership position, helping to actually run a hall and I'd get $500 more. I would get place probably into either Larson or Rand (neither of which I could love like Mellby). It would be more of a challenge but it might break my heart not to be where I really love.
What do I do!? More prestige in a strange building? What's comfortable and warm? Comments appreciated.
I am not sure whether to apply for a Senior Resident Assistant position next year or for a Student Hall Coordinator position.
As an SRA I would be doing a very similar job to what I'm doing now. I could try to live in Mellby next year, the building I've loved even more than my house at home. There's a chance I wouldn't make it in, but there's a chance I would. I know I could do a great job.
As an SHC, I couldn't live in Mellby. I would be in a higher leadership position, helping to actually run a hall and I'd get $500 more. I would get place probably into either Larson or Rand (neither of which I could love like Mellby). It would be more of a challenge but it might break my heart not to be where I really love.
What do I do!? More prestige in a strange building? What's comfortable and warm? Comments appreciated.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
a room of one's own
There's something infinitely calming in a room of one's own. Mellby 312 is an absolute mess at the moment but after a week and a half touring, it's a welcome break to be alone. Classes are very difficult this semester but the subject matter is so interesting that I don't really care. My "Saving Wild Places" prof is a young woman. We call her Emily... it's inpsiring to have someone so young and knowledgeable and fun! It makes me think that I can do anything I'd like. Before, I wasn't so sure that I wanted an environmental career but this semester is already showing me that I think in terms of nature and our relationship to it. I'm so glad I switched ES tracks. This is the most fun I've ever had with classes in college! I think I'll keep taking more ES courses next year, even if I don't need them. I'm not sure about Feminist Theology yet. The readings haven't really inspired me the way reading Grass Roots by Paul Gruchow (who lives here in Northfield but is a nationally acclaimed writer) has. Ah well. There's plenty still to study so perhaps Feminism will spark something in me. Right now we're on the more theological, radical side and that gets dull after about a page.
Recently, I've been trying to change the whole philosophy by which I live my life. I've been taking a lot more time to think about the way I move from place to place, how I greet people, the way I read, how conscious I am of what I eat, and generally the pace by which I live. Usually, I am rushed and in a hurry and always stressed out. When people ask how I am, the best response is usually "ok". But, as a new project of sorts, I am doing everything more deliberately from taking a bite of food to knitting to talking on the phone with Jimmy. To live in the moment seems a precious and worthwhile pursuit. I have never appreciated college more and though I'm not as happy as I could be (what with Jim far away) there's this sort of inner peace that seems to keep me going. Is it zen? Is it simply "being here now" or just a heightened state of consciousness? I'm not sure... but I can say that there is something truly wonderful about a simple, peaceful existence. Simplicity is yet to come but the tranquility is coming slowly.
Recently, I've been trying to change the whole philosophy by which I live my life. I've been taking a lot more time to think about the way I move from place to place, how I greet people, the way I read, how conscious I am of what I eat, and generally the pace by which I live. Usually, I am rushed and in a hurry and always stressed out. When people ask how I am, the best response is usually "ok". But, as a new project of sorts, I am doing everything more deliberately from taking a bite of food to knitting to talking on the phone with Jimmy. To live in the moment seems a precious and worthwhile pursuit. I have never appreciated college more and though I'm not as happy as I could be (what with Jim far away) there's this sort of inner peace that seems to keep me going. Is it zen? Is it simply "being here now" or just a heightened state of consciousness? I'm not sure... but I can say that there is something truly wonderful about a simple, peaceful existence. Simplicity is yet to come but the tranquility is coming slowly.
Monday, February 07, 2005
band tour postlude
Did you know it was colder in TX this past week than it was in MN? Another charming bit brought to you by global warming. It seems the currents are getting stranger and stranger and everyone's weather is being turned upside down. On the upside of this down, it means that coming back to MN wasn't too much of a shock. Another good reason to be back is that now nearly everyone is on campus. Jacob is back -- Meg was here starting in Jan, but it still feels novel to have her around. The tour was a huge chunk of time, but contained some of the best bandie bonding time ever. I didn't expect to, but I really miss the band people!!!!!! I do NOT miss the 8 hour bus days... After tour it's nice to be back in a more normal, less mobile place. Suddenly my floor is hopping with the sounds of people giggling and catching up, though I have the unfortunate job of telling everyone to be quiet after 10pm. The hall is finally starting to quiet down... it's good to be back in Mellby where I feel comfortable and at ease.
I am still keeping in close touch with Jimmy. I can't believe he's as far away as he is! Like everyone else on campus that gets to catch up with people now that the new semester has started, I keep expecting to see him. But alas, unlike all the happy, hugging people, I won't see him for quite some time. At least there's a fabulous eastern europe spring break trip to look forward to! w00t! It's Noah's birthday today -- he's 15. He just keeps getting bigger, it's insane. He got a gen 3 ipod for his birthday. So now he's more gadgeted than I what with his nifty camera and such. I think I'll peek for digital cameras on Craig's List. Canon=my secret camera lover.
TOMORROW NIGHT IS THE ST. OLAF BAND HOME CONCERT! Don't be a square, get your bum down there! :)
I am still keeping in close touch with Jimmy. I can't believe he's as far away as he is! Like everyone else on campus that gets to catch up with people now that the new semester has started, I keep expecting to see him. But alas, unlike all the happy, hugging people, I won't see him for quite some time. At least there's a fabulous eastern europe spring break trip to look forward to! w00t! It's Noah's birthday today -- he's 15. He just keeps getting bigger, it's insane. He got a gen 3 ipod for his birthday. So now he's more gadgeted than I what with his nifty camera and such. I think I'll peek for digital cameras on Craig's List. Canon=my secret camera lover.
TOMORROW NIGHT IS THE ST. OLAF BAND HOME CONCERT! Don't be a square, get your bum down there! :)
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
fun with the sorting hat!
 | You scored as Gryffindor. You have been sorted into Gryffindor! You're brave, loyal, and perhaps a little short tempered- if someone says or does something you don't like, you'll make sure they know- and everyone else too- regardless of the consequences.
The Hogwarts Sorting Hat! created with QuizFarm.com |
Sunday, January 16, 2005
the year in review
Stacey did something nifty on her blog: she took the first sentence (or in my case phrase since I'm a damn incoherent girl) of the first post of each month and combined them. 2004 at Mansfield Park looks something like this:
Jan: Damn computer -- has lost like three of my attempted bloggings in the last week
Feb: Mmmmmhmmmm... it's good to be home. But let me say, that was a damn fine tour.
Mar: So, I've been reading my ecology book faithfully all semester.
Apr: Friday! I spent my absolutely favorite time of the week outside reading, and inside watching Jeopardy as I finally hung up some posters in my room while munching on some good cheese and crackers.
May: I'm telling my little brother that there's something wrong with me and it's absolutely heartbreaking.
Jun: from a lonely cubicle
Jul: nothing welcomes you back to the office like a krispy kreme
Aug: I am 20! I remember reading in Anne of Green Gables that once you turn 20, your character was fixed...
Sept: I'm so glad I did this! Thus far, RA training has been a great week.
Oct: I AM the Big Bang as in I'm going a million directions at once rather violently.
Nov: Hell in a Handbasket: After four years of making fun of Bush, everything from his IQ to his inability to speak coherent English to the mock Texas accent he somehow inherited from his New England relatives, how is it possible that the majority of Americans decided he was the one best suited to lead the country?
Dec: Hey it's me. So we've been planning Nic's memorial service...
Wow, last year saw me travelling the world, changing rooms (a much larger ordeal than you might think), dropping a major, getting diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, living in a cubicle, becoming an RA, trying to do waaaay too much, getting incredibly pissed that Bush was reelected, and losing a good friend. I looked at the corner of my little white board today and saw where I had written Nic's new number and then hidden it when I found out he had died. There were so many huge changes and realizations that I was hardly aware of until they had passed. Still, after all of it, I'm glad to be where I am but I wouldn't want to relive the year. It's good to be moving forward.
Jan: Damn computer -- has lost like three of my attempted bloggings in the last week
Feb: Mmmmmhmmmm... it's good to be home. But let me say, that was a damn fine tour.
Mar: So, I've been reading my ecology book faithfully all semester.
Apr: Friday! I spent my absolutely favorite time of the week outside reading, and inside watching Jeopardy as I finally hung up some posters in my room while munching on some good cheese and crackers.
May: I'm telling my little brother that there's something wrong with me and it's absolutely heartbreaking.
Jun: from a lonely cubicle
Jul: nothing welcomes you back to the office like a krispy kreme
Aug: I am 20! I remember reading in Anne of Green Gables that once you turn 20, your character was fixed...
Sept: I'm so glad I did this! Thus far, RA training has been a great week.
Oct: I AM the Big Bang as in I'm going a million directions at once rather violently.
Nov: Hell in a Handbasket: After four years of making fun of Bush, everything from his IQ to his inability to speak coherent English to the mock Texas accent he somehow inherited from his New England relatives, how is it possible that the majority of Americans decided he was the one best suited to lead the country?
Dec: Hey it's me. So we've been planning Nic's memorial service...
Wow, last year saw me travelling the world, changing rooms (a much larger ordeal than you might think), dropping a major, getting diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, living in a cubicle, becoming an RA, trying to do waaaay too much, getting incredibly pissed that Bush was reelected, and losing a good friend. I looked at the corner of my little white board today and saw where I had written Nic's new number and then hidden it when I found out he had died. There were so many huge changes and realizations that I was hardly aware of until they had passed. Still, after all of it, I'm glad to be where I am but I wouldn't want to relive the year. It's good to be moving forward.
blerg
Jimmy's gone to Budapest and gotten then safely. I'm trying not to be a total dingus about calling a stuff, but I wish I could hear from him. He doesn't have a regular schedule so the one time he's called I missed it and every other time he's meant to call apparently hasn't worked out. No emails, no talking. I wish I could say he was just a phone call away but I don't even have their number. I talked to Jimmy's mom today on the phone which was good -- it was nice to talk to someone going through the same things. I've been pretty much wandering around with a nasty feeling in my stomach and not really sure of where I'm going. I'm sure this will all get better and bearable but right now that doesn't seem to be much consolation.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
the digitized question game!
1. Ask me any 5 questions you like in reply to this post and I will answer your questions honestly in comments.
2. Post this to your blog so that myself and others can also ask you questions.
2. Post this to your blog so that myself and others can also ask you questions.
part II
Jimmy the wonderboy has signed a contract to not drink beer or hard liquor while gone. He will drink wine (you HAVE to in Europe) but only in moderation. I think he realized that he was losing control of himself (see earlier post) and that it was time to make sure he didn't start to go down the alcoholic path (which is a slippery slope if you're predisposed like he is). He just decided to lay off. I'm impressed -- that's the guy I love. The past week has had its rough moments but the good has so far outshone the bad that I think we'll be ok for the next five months. Better than ok. No worries, Grant.
Friday, January 07, 2005
damn romance
My interim classics course in Ovid is teaching me that, if nothing else, romance nearly always goes badly. No matter how in love (or lust) you are, happy endings in the Metamorphoses are rare and I'm wondering if the Greeks and Romans weren't on to something. We have the BEST intentions (what could be better than to love someone and be happy together?) and things still get messy. Jimmy's visiting for the week and it's been a bit rocky. He's gone off and done some drinking (of which I don't approve being an RA type) on the majority of nights. I talked to him about it and he did more. AH! Technically, if I know there's drinking in a room, I have to report it. I really don't want to smell alcohol on his breath night after night. This was one of the things I loved about him -- that he was above the habitual drinking shit of college. Genetically, he has tendencies toward alcohol abuse (being Native American) so he's going to lay off of the hard liquor and beer while he's gone. Which is great, but it doesn't solve this past week which should've been fabulous (he's not studying and just here to see people? come on! that's paradise for a college student). He's leaving in exactly one week from today (almost down to the minute) and going home to get ready in a couple of days..... Time is ticking and a curall that would erase all these hurt feelings has to be the one thing Target doesn't sell. Damnit.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
kicking back with St. Olaf
Damn, it's cold on campus! But, it's damn good to be back.
Details of break: I got sick on Christmas Day night and it lasted until NEW YEAR's Eve. I tried to visit Jimmy after Christmas and came down with a 103 fever so my parents had to come all the way up to Askov to get me. He was super sweet, though. I spent the subsequent days at home trying to sleep and relax and get better. I got to see the PHANTOM with Jennifer and Anna on Wed night and it was delicious fun. I came back and collapsed. I went out to dinner with the girls from home on Thurs (and ate pizza doused in mushrooms). Finally on Friday, things were better -- Jimmy came down and we had some fun at Justin's house with the gamecube. We've played cards and had fun and now we're back at school. He's here for a week before going back and getting ready to leave. I'm trying not to think about that.
Ahhh... so now, it's time for the wonderful laidbackness of interim. Tonight I've eaten pizza in the lounge, watched Sex and the City, talked with Cathy and Jennifer, put on lotion, and taken a shower. Yeah. Happy New Year.
Details of break: I got sick on Christmas Day night and it lasted until NEW YEAR's Eve. I tried to visit Jimmy after Christmas and came down with a 103 fever so my parents had to come all the way up to Askov to get me. He was super sweet, though. I spent the subsequent days at home trying to sleep and relax and get better. I got to see the PHANTOM with Jennifer and Anna on Wed night and it was delicious fun. I came back and collapsed. I went out to dinner with the girls from home on Thurs (and ate pizza doused in mushrooms). Finally on Friday, things were better -- Jimmy came down and we had some fun at Justin's house with the gamecube. We've played cards and had fun and now we're back at school. He's here for a week before going back and getting ready to leave. I'm trying not to think about that.
Ahhh... so now, it's time for the wonderful laidbackness of interim. Tonight I've eaten pizza in the lounge, watched Sex and the City, talked with Cathy and Jennifer, put on lotion, and taken a shower. Yeah. Happy New Year.
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