thoughts on friendship

After some thought-provoking reads for Campus Ecology, I have been thinking more critically about friendships, namely those here at St. Olaf.

We're all such busy individuals and go about our days in very individualistic ways: we plan our lives around our classes, commitments, activities, jobs and not around those of anyone else. Some do manage to see a boyfriend or girlfriend quite a bit, but it seems like if any relationship is to suffer due to our individuality, it's a friendship. As far as our friends on campus go, "out of sight, out of mind" seems to be the rule. We don't fall into good conversations with people who live on the other side of the Heights the way we do with our neighboring friends. I think part of the reason is because the friends across campus don't fit into our cozy, autonomous routine and thus seeing and communicating with them requires expending more energy than the typical over-booked Ole seems able or willing to do.

Then I think about the quality of conversation we do have in chance moments between the hubub. Sometimes, we fall into talks in which we feel comfortable enough to tell what's really on our minds: "man, I really hate this class because..." or "I feel more alive because it's springtime" or "this is what I think about the meaning of life, about religion, or about family." These times in which we truly connect with those around us are beautiful and precious. They are also rare. More often than not, conversation falls to "hey how are you" without really intending to receive or listen to the answer. Or, discourse falls to more superficial subjects such as other people, the work we have to do and an almost competition to see who's more miserable. We're either too distracted or too busy to really listen and give one another the time they deserve.

I love the people I've gotten to know here and I know I'm anything but the ideal friend at times. It's troubling to think that we are hardly conscious of how little respect we give one another. Friendship is one of the most worthy things we can hope to accomplish in our time at St. Olaf. Perhaps if we were mindful of these relationships, if we stopped and took the time for conversation with one another, we wouldn't feel so rushed all the time.

sinking

Hey everyone,

I promise I've been meaning to update about Budapest and I will once I feel happy enough to do it justice for the most wonderful week it was...

Right now, however, I feel like I need to lock myself in my room and scream. It's everything at once: the band, and the hall, and the coffeehouse, and classes, and the future plans. All of it is piling up one after the other and I'm at the bottom with no hope of getting back on top of it all again for quite some time. Part of me feels "silly girl, you shouldn't have commited to so much" but the other part remembers that it hasn't been this bad the whole year! For the most part, I've been happily busy and I've really enjoyed what I do. So what's going on right now? My new best friend, my planner, is full of meetings, projects, reminders, and things I have to get done so that there's literally no more room to write down my assignments for school. I keep thinking "as soon as ____ is done, it'll be ok" but I have to realize that this is a lot more than just one hall event or one moment in band.

Tears are always bubbling up just under my surface. Tonight I cried in public and then some more and I realized afterward that no one stopped to help... I mean, I was talking to someone but there was no "Lauren, are you ok?" or "would you like a hug" nothing... I just kept trying to stop the tears and wiping them away when I could not. It wasn't until I got back to Mellby that I got some support. Support... yeah, that's definitely missing in my life right now. There's no Jimmy. He's not here and I can't see him until the end of June. I have to face that. But the other stuff... where is it coming from? I feel as if everything got so busy so suddenly that there's nothing I can do to renegotiate my schedule and, of course, no one can help. On the whole, my friends outside the hall are too busy with their own worries and troubles to help me. But, I really do need some help and support. I'm living in constant fear of sobbing or snapping or collapsing (literally... the CFS is not going to let me keep up with a schedule of no breaks from morning until late at night for much longer).

I wish that people would remember how much of a difference they make! In my super-hysterical state, the little bad things that happen get magnified but so do the small good things people do. Tonight, I talked to Kristin A., Josh, Lisa, Christine and Peter at the front desk and I could have kissed them all for the relief it was to have people care and sympathize with what was happening to me right when I needed it most. My life is spinning out of my control and now, it's those nice things people are doing that keep me going.

House of Hope

Hi everyone -- Long time no blog! I just got back from Ruth's House of Hope in Faribault which is a halfway house/shelter for women from a variety of backgrounds and experiences who need a safe place to raise children, get back on their feet, recover from drug addictions, find jobs and homes, and get their lives together. This is part of a service learning project for Feminist Theology and it was the primary reason I didn't drop the course. Our task was to drive in, interview some of the women who live there, hear their stories and we will compile them as a fundraiser for the shelter to show the positive impact it has. Positive impact is an understatement. It is all too easy when you come from a school like St. Olaf to forget the hardships that people endure while they are here on Earth. Talking to these women opens your mind to the gift of living and the power of hope.
After we interviewed women in the house, a staff member said she would like to tell us her story but that we should go someplace else. Gina is studying human services at a school in Owatonna and is an intern at Ruth's House. At the Java Live coffeehouse downtown, we listened to Gina, who was raised in Northfield amid physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Despite this, she has vowed to break the cycles of abuse that consumed her family growing up. She is 38 and has four children, whom she is raising in a safe, healthy environment so they won't have to search for answers the rest of their lives as she has. She talked about how that abuse and the things that people say in anger never really go away -- people tell you to forget them and it's not possible because they have become a part of who you are. I really understood what she meant by this, but I have never faced the trials that she lived ith every day. What amazed me most about Gina was the faith she showed in God. She believes that God is watching over her and helping her to get through the earlier parts of her life, giving her courage to face what has happened and prevent it from continuing. It was uncanny coincidence that led Gina to Ruth's House and she has so many moving personal experiences that guide her to live a better life than she thought she ever could.
Hearing her speak made me realize that things do happen for reasons and that people are sent into our lives to make a difference. Meeting Jimmy has to be one of those things... He hasn't had the easiest life either, but he has shown me that I am worthy and deserve of love and happiness. Before, I had wondered before if they could ever really happen for me. It makes me appreciate my mother and father and brother all the more because they want the best for all of us and many families don't have parents who care so much. There is so much wonder and beauty in simply living your life and finding happiness in the fact that you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and people who care about you. Sometimes we think of these things as our rights, not as a privilege worthy of eternal thanks. Where has my faith in God been? I felt so alone and so confused. Volunteering this morning definitely made me see the world and my own experiences in an entirely different light. That place really is a house of hope, not just for the people who live there but for those who pass through.