feeling a bit blue

I'm not sure why exactly. I've been quite alone the whole day which is sometimes a good thing in that it could give you perspective and peace of mind. Not so tonight. I am just lonely. I've half a mind right now to give up on reading my enviro ethics article, "The World As God's Body," and just munch on chocolate while watching Sex and the City. What's really depressing me right now are people. I wish everyone had it in their minds to be friendly and welcoming toward one another. I hoped to make some new friends in Mellby, but I keep encountering people who are wrapped up in their own worlds and end up being a bit rude without realizing it. It's disheartening! Why should I keep trying to be Ms. Friendly RA when it's meant with dull indifference? Such a "what reason is there to keep going?" day. Three things, however, have kept up my faith in humanity: Ansel Adams' photographs, Jennifer and Bridget next door, and old St. Olaf Band CDs. God Bless the SOB.

the day of good deeds

It's definitely getting closer to fall, leaving keep falling from trees and even though I fail at trying to catch one for good luck, I know I'll be coordinated enough one day.

It's been both busy and quiet over the last couple weeks. RAing is less of a time commitment, though you have to be ready to do things like delivering 300 phone books the moment they arrive to each room in the hall. It's getting closer to Halloween and my fears of the Mellby ghosts have been rekindled. I keep imagining shadows moving in my room at night and an inability to scream for all I'm worth. In good Mellby news, we had our first social program and it so incredibly fun that I've had a hard time studying over the past few days. I'm doing coffeehouse interview entirely on my own this week and it's both scary and invigorating. "I am supervisor, hear me ROAR!" I think it'll be a good year as far as the jobs are concerned. I just wish I had a bit more time to laze about and read for school.

Fortunately for me, I'm on duty this weekend! Besides writing two papers, I'm going to watch movies with some of the girls, eat roasted chestnuts, put up Christmas lights, clean, and go to Ren Fest on Saturday with Jimmy.

RIGHT! So good deeds! Yesterday, I volunteered for extra duty in Hoyme, ate a quiet dinner alone, was nice to Prof. Welch, did pilates, talked to an old [drunken] friend on the phone, got kissed on the top of my head from a guy who's a bit quirky and had never kissed a girl before, interviewed people, started coffeehouse inventory, did the Mellby fire drill, helped Vanna find a lost earring in the dark, picked up pretty leaves for people, and had a wonderful discussion in environmental ethics. In retrospect some were deeds I did and others were ones exchanged. Meh, it's all good, I guess.

stalkernet

I love looking up random people on stalkernet. Names like "John" are particularly fun because they yield such varied and numerous results. With each person, I wonder what who they are/what their hobbies and interests might be. Did they like the snapshot St. Olaf recorded of their image? Or, did they change it for a particular reason? Have I met this person? Maybe they came across my picture some time and wondered the same questions.... I feel like I know the people from their pictures and that if I did happen upon them, we'd have conversation material. I also assume that all the people are well-meaning and kindly because that's how I'd like to think random people are: just trying to make their own small difference on the world.

On totally random subjects, I spent a lot of time yesterday with doctors. I guess I have an extremely rapid pulse. It seems to be regular, just very fast. I have no idea currently what this means for my health long-term or if it is linked to the fatigue that seems to haunt me. They did draw more blood, much to my dismay. Maybe it'll yield something very insightful, but most likely it's just another two containers of me lost to the ages. I really hate the feeling of the needly poking around in my arm... I tense up and pretend I'm on a deserted tropical island I like to call "Laurentopia."

Incidentally, Laurentopia is my back-up plan. If things don't work out academically, I'll head there to weave underwater baskets. I figure that the great mysteries of life can be revealed through things like basket-weaving, particulaly if water is involved, but that we just tend to write it off as not worthy of our time because of the fast-paced modern life. Right now, before Laurentopia, I intend to put off my ES major decisions for a semester by simply taking other required classes. Currently I am living and breathing environmental thought, art, politics, and map-making. I'm sure something brilliant will occur before the end of the semester, most likely with the help of the Center for Experiential Learning, my destiny-revealing hallucenogen. Being on student staff makes me turn to offices instead of drugs for such things. Not that I ever turned to drugs (maybe alcohol a bit)... ok, anyway.

Last but not least, today Jimmy and I have been dating for a year. Yay! It's by far the most sustainable romance ever. Sometimes I get it in my head that I need Shakespearean drama, but then I remember that it would last for about a microsecond and I'd need something that has laughter and things like cooking and Futurama. Ahhh... what a great boyfriend he is. Here's to you, Boy. :)

Happy New Year

Classes have begun on the ol' hill. After sitting through the first of what will undoubtedly be many painful genetics lectures, I realized that I don't want to major in biology. When I first got here, I was told quite bluntly that I ought to major in bio because it is a real science, unlike environmental studies. So, ok, I did, but not because I actually wanted to. Thus I have run headlong into a wall. I don't think I'm meant to focus just on science. I feel like I left the humanities in the background and now I'm really regretting it. Know what else I'm regretting? WAITING UNTIL JUNIOR YEAR TO HAVE THIS EPIPHANY! Since I have and cannot go back and make things right, I need to figure out what I'm doing in the next few days. I have no career destination at which to arrive [yet] so I'm in limbo. Time to call in the professionals. I'll update on Monday after I've consulted some folks.

I'm so glad I did this!

Thus far, RA training has been a great week. We've been at training each morning around 8:30 am and the nights have frequently gone as late as 11pm, but damn! It's like the best possible thing I could've done with my junior year. You're helping people, but you're also helping yourself. It's like a character makeover. The only times I've felt this confident in myself have been at summer Girl Scout Camp. And it's only getting better as people start to move in. The people living in Mellby all seem really great and I can't wait to get to know them better. Our staff is awesome. Rylan, Josh, and Cate are some of the best and nicest people to work with. Heather (the area coordinator) is super cool. I'm even getting over my fear of the Mellby ghosts, none of whom I have met yet (and half-hope never to meet). This is going to be a wonderful year.