Actually, no, not the Jane Austen novel. It's the REAL birthday of my blog! I created it one year ago today...
Ahhh... the wonders of weblogs. I ought to write a bit of something on the action at fortawesome.blogspot.com, demonstrative of the crazy power blogging seems to hold over (one can only assume) what were once rational people. The upcoming election seems to have long-since taken hold of many people's minds. Either I just wasn't paying attention last time (which wasn't true) or things are getting much more heated much earlier for the 2004 election. Comments like:
*Make a collection of your soap box and every other liberal soap box, and have yourself a grand bon fire.
*If you feel the need to be this [i.e. the liberal bonfire comment] oppressive, go live in Communist China. (ok, so this one was me)
*WRONG, freaks
*John Kerry is nothing short of evil... He is a lying piece of shit.
and my personal favorite: *Say what you want about being independent or liberal. Say what you want about your wrong viewpoints. Say anything you want about you or your sexual attraction to sticks used by Dan Rather. Do NOT, bash George W. Bush. He is a great man. Fuck you all, assholes. (For further explanation on the Dan Rather comments as well as other, more profane commentary check out grant's blog).
But HONESTLY! Presidential elections make people into raving lunatics. The last few quotes on there are just abysmal. Freedom of speech does not equal freedom of vulgarity! Ugh, what was a decent debate devolved into a mud-slinging contest full of conservative BS from people who don't know Grant at all but somehow think that he deserves that kind of crap? I don't think W. is a great man, or even close to one. Nothing he's ever said could have convinced me of it. And now I'm none-too-impressed by his supporters either.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
OMG!
Just came to the sudden realization that Jim Broadbent, who plays Bridget Jones's father in the fab movie, ALSO was Harold Zidler in Moulin Rouge! MY GOD! Talk about a versatile actor! You would never know he was the same guy..... The things you learn on IMDB while bored at work!
the best weekend
I didn't get enough sleep last night, so I'm feeling rather sickish, but I think that writing a nice post might help the fatigue... Socially speaking, it was the best weekend in as long as I can remember.
I took on role of personal shopper again on Friday afternoon when John [Aho] and I hit EP mall to look for some new duds for him. I didn't have to work and it was LOVELY. Was very proud -- only bought one thing for myself (a pair of replacement sunglasses which I may return due to insufficient funds). Later that night, Amanda and I went into Uptown to check out the tea bar we're coming to love dearly. It felt good to get out and even better to just talk candidly with her about the girliest of things.
On Saturday night, it was time to let loose a bit. Now, those who know me know I'm def no drunkard, but it was a good way to get the very last bits of partying out of my system before next week and a year of RA-dom. Aho and Tim had been playing baseball in the front yard and stayed, much to my delight. were the obligatory discussions of baseball and politics. I even tried smoking a ghetto cigar, which was fairly vile. It felt like being back in high school in a good and nostalgic way.
Sunday, I drove to Rosedale Mall to meet the Jimmy and do more personal shopping. It's far more fun to dress one's boyfriend. I was so proud of him! He got actual college-aged things! No more Old Navy poster boy. I shouldn't tease. We all did the walking label thing. It was a good day for me too. I got hot-ass jeans at American Eagle, a couple shirts, and a new little crabbie! I shouldn't say little, cause she's approximately Cami-sized. I think I'm almost scared of her! Still, I hope she survives better than the really vulnerable, little ones. She needs a name though.... If you have suggestions for crab names, do comment.
However, the only down side to this weekend was the ridiculous amount of money spent. Jeans, shirts, new shells, drinks at Starbucks and tea bars. I was a baaaaad girl and I feel guilt-ridden. I wish I could spend little to no money... ever. Still, some purchases are flexible and able to be taken back if need be. And the need may arise quickly. Ack. Time to work, now. Bye to all.
I took on role of personal shopper again on Friday afternoon when John [Aho] and I hit EP mall to look for some new duds for him. I didn't have to work and it was LOVELY. Was very proud -- only bought one thing for myself (a pair of replacement sunglasses which I may return due to insufficient funds). Later that night, Amanda and I went into Uptown to check out the tea bar we're coming to love dearly. It felt good to get out and even better to just talk candidly with her about the girliest of things.
On Saturday night, it was time to let loose a bit. Now, those who know me know I'm def no drunkard, but it was a good way to get the very last bits of partying out of my system before next week and a year of RA-dom. Aho and Tim had been playing baseball in the front yard and stayed, much to my delight. were the obligatory discussions of baseball and politics. I even tried smoking a ghetto cigar, which was fairly vile. It felt like being back in high school in a good and nostalgic way.
Sunday, I drove to Rosedale Mall to meet the Jimmy and do more personal shopping. It's far more fun to dress one's boyfriend. I was so proud of him! He got actual college-aged things! No more Old Navy poster boy. I shouldn't tease. We all did the walking label thing. It was a good day for me too. I got hot-ass jeans at American Eagle, a couple shirts, and a new little crabbie! I shouldn't say little, cause she's approximately Cami-sized. I think I'm almost scared of her! Still, I hope she survives better than the really vulnerable, little ones. She needs a name though.... If you have suggestions for crab names, do comment.
However, the only down side to this weekend was the ridiculous amount of money spent. Jeans, shirts, new shells, drinks at Starbucks and tea bars. I was a baaaaad girl and I feel guilt-ridden. I wish I could spend little to no money... ever. Still, some purchases are flexible and able to be taken back if need be. And the need may arise quickly. Ack. Time to work, now. Bye to all.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
breaking point
You know what? My family's happiness levels have reached record lows. And I am confident in saying that the issue is not me. This summer has been a point of realization for me. I've gotten to see the parental perspective on numerous occasions from coworkers and just people I watch when I'm out. And, my dad is just out of control. I didn't tell really anyone what happened last week, but there was another little skirmish. My dad lost his temper so utterly... it was not pretty. And it would have been enough for me to call police dispatch and report domestic violence. But I didn't. I don't want people to hear indepth about what goes on at our house or for my dad's teaching to be hurt. After all, the very best of him comes out in the classroom to other, luckier, and to him better children.
And I have just one question: why did he ever have children in the first place? I think that when you have kids, you give up the right to hate them because your own feelings are hurt. Kids do that without realizing it but it's no reason to turn your back on them. They need patience (in spades) and the knowledge that they have your unconditional love. And you have to be open-minded: there is a possibility that you could be wrong, and there will undoubtedly be times in which you show them how to apologize like an adult. Without these essential things, I don't see how a person could possibly expect to make a positive difference in their child's life.
And so, I am done with living as if everything is happy at home. Our extended family and friends have an inkling as to how things really are and I'm about to get them all involved. I'll do anything if it has a chance of improving things long-term. I still care enough about my dad to want to see him happy. And I definitely want things to be better for my mother, brother, and myself. No one should voluntarily live like this.
Dreams:
Going back to school will be like waking up after a troubling sleep to realize everything's ok
My dad will voluntarily go to some sort of counseling
Being an RA and a manager will ROCK
I'll get everything done and packed with time to go get ice cream before move-in
My studies in bio/ES will be validated by this internship
Lighten/cheer up!
And I have just one question: why did he ever have children in the first place? I think that when you have kids, you give up the right to hate them because your own feelings are hurt. Kids do that without realizing it but it's no reason to turn your back on them. They need patience (in spades) and the knowledge that they have your unconditional love. And you have to be open-minded: there is a possibility that you could be wrong, and there will undoubtedly be times in which you show them how to apologize like an adult. Without these essential things, I don't see how a person could possibly expect to make a positive difference in their child's life.
And so, I am done with living as if everything is happy at home. Our extended family and friends have an inkling as to how things really are and I'm about to get them all involved. I'll do anything if it has a chance of improving things long-term. I still care enough about my dad to want to see him happy. And I definitely want things to be better for my mother, brother, and myself. No one should voluntarily live like this.
Dreams:
Going back to school will be like waking up after a troubling sleep to realize everything's ok
My dad will voluntarily go to some sort of counseling
Being an RA and a manager will ROCK
I'll get everything done and packed with time to go get ice cream before move-in
My studies in bio/ES will be validated by this internship
Lighten/cheer up!
Thursday, August 12, 2004
feeling contemplative
Do you ever wonder if the whole way you think and view the world around you is terribly skewed? Every so often (ok, so I'm lying, it's about every week) I get into some psychological rumble with myself. Am I seeking truth or just playing at sophistry?
Typical rumble-esque self dialogue:
When we're younger, American culture paints a beautiful picture: you're unique and special -- you can be or do anything you want. As you get older, however, the internal message switches to survival of fittest: work hard, out compete your fellow citizens, find the drive in yourself to win that good grade, job, game. We aren't celebrated for our differences anymore and you have to wonder if we ever really were. But then there are always exceptions and I think those are the people who are driving the evolution of our culture. You can always being accepting and tolerant of those around you. Actually, it's even better to do more... you could actually appreciate those quirky people you run into each day. I think there's a stigma that you and your friends should all have similar tastes, interests and lifestyles. I see it in my little brother, who's afraid to do things that his friends don't approve of. One of the great things about friendships is how much new stuff you get to experience (and not just in that hallucenogenic drug way) via one another.
Sometime in the last four years, I gave up dreaming. Not in the REM way, but in the idealistic, "this is what I want to happen in my life and I'm not afraid to think it'll come true." It might have been failed romance or reading more literature or things at home or going away to school or maybe even the chronic fatigue which slowly set in starting about four years ago. I think that really, the combination of these things led me to self doubt which then turned into self doubt. Did I really deserve a fairy tale happy ending? Was I extraordinary enough to leave the world a better place than when I found it? Was I even right about anything? (Here is where truth vs. semantics came from). Did I just over analyze everything? I started to see other adults with families and jobs that became so wrapped up in the mundane details of life that they forgot what it was about in the first place. Once you're aware of this phenomenon, it's hard not to become infected with it. Thus, it is time for change.
I really, really don't want to stop dreaming or hoping that what I'm doing with myself will make a difference. I think I am going to institute dreams on Mansfield... even if they're outlandish ones, who cares, I'll have fun writing them and one of my friends will have fun reading them.
Dream #1: I get to work fairly high up (eventually) on some lovely humanitarian organization that finds homes/jobs for people struggling in rural America.
Dream #2: I clean up my bedroom and don't get tired/angry in the process. Better yet, I sleep in a hammock and save floor space for my new fort. haha, j/k
Dream #3: I invest in a beautiful new digital camera that can take b&w, sepia, negative, night shots WITH a quick flash, decent resolution and an optical zoom.
Dream #4: Bocce on Mellby lawn. Enough said. Bocce kicks ass AND it's Italian.
Dream #5: Graduate from college with grades that I am not ashamed of. Get to play Buffet Bass Clarinet in SOB. Oh yeah.
Typical rumble-esque self dialogue:
When we're younger, American culture paints a beautiful picture: you're unique and special -- you can be or do anything you want. As you get older, however, the internal message switches to survival of fittest: work hard, out compete your fellow citizens, find the drive in yourself to win that good grade, job, game. We aren't celebrated for our differences anymore and you have to wonder if we ever really were. But then there are always exceptions and I think those are the people who are driving the evolution of our culture. You can always being accepting and tolerant of those around you. Actually, it's even better to do more... you could actually appreciate those quirky people you run into each day. I think there's a stigma that you and your friends should all have similar tastes, interests and lifestyles. I see it in my little brother, who's afraid to do things that his friends don't approve of. One of the great things about friendships is how much new stuff you get to experience (and not just in that hallucenogenic drug way) via one another.
Sometime in the last four years, I gave up dreaming. Not in the REM way, but in the idealistic, "this is what I want to happen in my life and I'm not afraid to think it'll come true." It might have been failed romance or reading more literature or things at home or going away to school or maybe even the chronic fatigue which slowly set in starting about four years ago. I think that really, the combination of these things led me to self doubt which then turned into self doubt. Did I really deserve a fairy tale happy ending? Was I extraordinary enough to leave the world a better place than when I found it? Was I even right about anything? (Here is where truth vs. semantics came from). Did I just over analyze everything? I started to see other adults with families and jobs that became so wrapped up in the mundane details of life that they forgot what it was about in the first place. Once you're aware of this phenomenon, it's hard not to become infected with it. Thus, it is time for change.
I really, really don't want to stop dreaming or hoping that what I'm doing with myself will make a difference. I think I am going to institute dreams on Mansfield... even if they're outlandish ones, who cares, I'll have fun writing them and one of my friends will have fun reading them.
Dream #1: I get to work fairly high up (eventually) on some lovely humanitarian organization that finds homes/jobs for people struggling in rural America.
Dream #2: I clean up my bedroom and don't get tired/angry in the process. Better yet, I sleep in a hammock and save floor space for my new fort. haha, j/k
Dream #3: I invest in a beautiful new digital camera that can take b&w, sepia, negative, night shots WITH a quick flash, decent resolution and an optical zoom.
Dream #4: Bocce on Mellby lawn. Enough said. Bocce kicks ass AND it's Italian.
Dream #5: Graduate from college with grades that I am not ashamed of. Get to play Buffet Bass Clarinet in SOB. Oh yeah.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
R.I.P. Frida
I was on a sampling trip for the PCA over the past couple days. When I called home on Monday night to see how everyone was, my mom said that Frida the Hermit Crab Extraordinaire was changing shells! I was sooo sad to be missing it and couldn't wait to come back, however, Frida did not make it through the process. I came home to an empty crab carrier and a sad little crab body that had slipped out of its shell. Frida, being the lively little gal she was, was an especially personable crab. She enjoyed scuttling sideways, often falling into a roll, and was of the pale blue/green variety of hermit. She also liked to sit in front of the heat duct in my room. She was not too fond of bathing. She and Cami used to curl up together in the corner of their tank. They also chirped at one another. He's very lonely now. Poor Cam... Here is a slightly melodramatic, though rather heartfelt tribute to Frida --
Gregarious crab:
though small, you were full of life
but now silence falls.
R.I.P. little crab.
Gregarious crab:
though small, you were full of life
but now silence falls.
R.I.P. little crab.
Friday, August 06, 2004
I am 20!
I remember reading in Anne of Green Gables that once you turn 20, your character was fixed (i.e. shape up now or turn into a bad girl forever!)... So, I've always thought of 20 as a landmark heralding you through the end of childhood. I must say, it ended up being quite a good birthday. The beginning, though filled with some gift opening and a picnic, was not much to speak of as I ran errands for the better part of it. I was feeling pretty let down towards the end of the afternoon and just wanted to be by myself for a while. Little did I know that several conspirators lay in the midst. (MWA HAHAHA, and it was a good thing too!) Thus, I was totally and utterly surprised when Jimmy and I walked in Rey Azteca (a restaurant everyone in the Chanhassen area should visit) to be greeted by a bunch of friends! I could only think was "all these people are here to see me!?" The whole thing was so much fun, especially for those who don't get out often due to work like me. Grant and Jimmy had even made a birthday cake... it was splendid delicious and wonderful to see (I had thought I was a cakeless girl since my parents were either recovering from surgery or extremely busy). And Jimmy! That boy! The whole party was completely his idea!!! He and his conspirators (whom I fondly will refer to as helper monkeys) called or emailed or imed sooo many people! Thank you helper monkeys! I was also spoilt by gifts, while was another total surprise -- dirty girl books, accessories (who knew they made gum?), and porn, btw. This morning, I checked my email and there were no less than seven emails or cards waiting for me. I feel more relaxed than I have in... well, years. It was a really great birthday. Thank you all.
NY trip
I thought my blog had eaten my long post about vacation, so I rewrote the whole thing only to find that it tried to eat it but could apparently only manage the title. I think I like the list version better. In a nutshell, here's Upstate NY (which is its own entity separate from the city but just as crazy):
-huge dinners required three+ tables to fit everyone and all the food
-lots of people coming and going at my aunt and uncles house
-everyone's always talking and laughing
-there are a lot of people!
-family is really important
-no urban sprawl
-visiting Auburn is always fun... so much family history!
-wish we hadn't lost so much culture (like the language) when my mom's crowd was growing up in the effort to homogenize and become "American"
-Ny accents are fun to pick up
-my cousin Michelle is one wild gal!
-despite my brother driving my [publicly] up a succession of walls, it's good to feel I belong
-my Great Aunt Josie talks about my grandmother and I desperately wish I knew more about where I came from
-my mom's cousin now lives in the house my mom grew up in. while remodeling, she found some old clothes of my mom's, uncle's and grandmother's IN THE WALL. we brought said wall clothes home
-bass pro stores are awesome (think cabela's with a 22,000 gallon tank of natural lake fish)
-you can do a lot with paint, like paint literally every square inch of your house
-miss family, almost wish I lived in NY (real estate cheaper)
-little cousins stomping on floor above my head at 7am make-a me sad!
-"vacation" is the key word for exhausting, not relaxing, but in that good way
-huge dinners required three+ tables to fit everyone and all the food
-lots of people coming and going at my aunt and uncles house
-everyone's always talking and laughing
-there are a lot of people!
-family is really important
-no urban sprawl
-visiting Auburn is always fun... so much family history!
-wish we hadn't lost so much culture (like the language) when my mom's crowd was growing up in the effort to homogenize and become "American"
-Ny accents are fun to pick up
-my cousin Michelle is one wild gal!
-despite my brother driving my [publicly] up a succession of walls, it's good to feel I belong
-my Great Aunt Josie talks about my grandmother and I desperately wish I knew more about where I came from
-my mom's cousin now lives in the house my mom grew up in. while remodeling, she found some old clothes of my mom's, uncle's and grandmother's IN THE WALL. we brought said wall clothes home
-bass pro stores are awesome (think cabela's with a 22,000 gallon tank of natural lake fish)
-you can do a lot with paint, like paint literally every square inch of your house
-miss family, almost wish I lived in NY (real estate cheaper)
-little cousins stomping on floor above my head at 7am make-a me sad!
-"vacation" is the key word for exhausting, not relaxing, but in that good way
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