I was hanging around the Admin building today finishing some last minute errands:
*new parking permit (which I didn't have to pay another $150 for!!! w00t!)
*finishing course eval from afore-mentioned missed final
*waiting for the Fin. Aid people to get back from lunch so I could drop off coffeehouse paperwork
While I was waiting around, I stopped to look at the limestone walls. I didn't used to like the look of the campus but after writing a bazillion pages about the limestone, I decided to take a closer look. It was remarkable: the way all the different stones magically fit together, all the strange textures and colors. I had never really appreciated limestone for how flawed and yet perfect it was. Kind of like St. Olaf itself. Or the art projects I've been working on lately and their randomness. Or Jimmy and I. Well, it's better late than never to finally see things for how they are: wonderfully flawed.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Monday, December 20, 2004
who forgets their final!?
Ok, not quite. I forgot to go to my "final" which was really filling out course evals. But still. Sometimes I even surprised myself with stupidity. I'd like to say that I'm getting ready to go home and blah blah blah, but I've still got two days here at school. To celebrate, I took the cheese container from the coffeehouse (which would otherwise rot over break) and am going to make myself nachos. The last final is in 15 mins so I figure I can turn on carols with my door open again. I'm a slacker RA. Actually, I have to be a non-slacker! There are literally 20+ room changes happening on my floor (out of 40 something people). I think my floor is setting the campus-wide record. Take that graduating seniors in Ytterboe! Anyway, it has just occured to me how quickly break will go by (which is probably good considering I'll be dreading Jimmy leaving). When I get home, I'll do some last minute shopping. Then we're all going out for John Aho's bday (hope I can find vegetarian food at the Greek restaurant). Then it's Christmas! The day after, I'll head up to Jimmy's house for a couple of days. Then I'll be back to have a sleepover (I feel so teenage!) with Jennifer and Anna to oggle Gerry Butler as Phantom. Then it's New Years and Jimmy's back. So, I think it'll be a safely good holiday. I'm going to try to do some beading -- maybe I can convine Amanda to do it with me! :) Yay. I'm so excited for the holidays!
Sunday, December 12, 2004
approaching the critical point
That "critical point" would be my temp and pressure are reaching explosive levels.
Disclaimer: I apologize if I've been short tempered with anyone reading this.
I know this is a busy time for everyone. We all have classes that require papers, presentations, projects and exams of us. However... I don't know anyone else who's in a top ensemble, is an RA (no offense to JCs, but try being on duty 6 of 8 nights in a row) and helping advise their hall council, and trying to keep track of a functioning business on top of these normal academic duties. I'm not saying that less busy people are luckier than me or that I envy their freedom. What I am saying is that I wish these people would stop complaining loudly in front of me about how hard their life is "ohh, I have so much work to do -- pity me even though I spent last night getting really drunk." You just want to smack something when you're expected to be sympathetic to this.
Ok, I'm done ranting. I've actually been really productive writing my mega-paper this weekend. After about... oh, 25 hours of serious writing after weeks of research, I'm proud that I'm nearly done! It means I haven't gone out and done anything since Thanksgiving Break, but ah well.
On a much happier, more cheerful note, Jimmy decided to take it upon himself to clean my disastrous room last night at 1am. Instead of boxes, papers, and clothing everywhere, he organized, folded and put everything away. It's sooo wonderful in the room now! I can't thank him enough. Last night's Mellby Holiday Party was a TON of fun. People enjoyed the gifts, s'mores, and ice cream. Paul and Casey performed a fabulously amusing rendition of "The Night Before Christmas." It was the best thing I'd done in weeks and certainly helped motivate me to work on my paper. I think Sex and the City: season 4 just came [FINALLY]. I hope my DVD player decides to start working by the time I get it tomorrow!
Disclaimer: I apologize if I've been short tempered with anyone reading this.
I know this is a busy time for everyone. We all have classes that require papers, presentations, projects and exams of us. However... I don't know anyone else who's in a top ensemble, is an RA (no offense to JCs, but try being on duty 6 of 8 nights in a row) and helping advise their hall council, and trying to keep track of a functioning business on top of these normal academic duties. I'm not saying that less busy people are luckier than me or that I envy their freedom. What I am saying is that I wish these people would stop complaining loudly in front of me about how hard their life is "ohh, I have so much work to do -- pity me even though I spent last night getting really drunk." You just want to smack something when you're expected to be sympathetic to this.
Ok, I'm done ranting. I've actually been really productive writing my mega-paper this weekend. After about... oh, 25 hours of serious writing after weeks of research, I'm proud that I'm nearly done! It means I haven't gone out and done anything since Thanksgiving Break, but ah well.
On a much happier, more cheerful note, Jimmy decided to take it upon himself to clean my disastrous room last night at 1am. Instead of boxes, papers, and clothing everywhere, he organized, folded and put everything away. It's sooo wonderful in the room now! I can't thank him enough. Last night's Mellby Holiday Party was a TON of fun. People enjoyed the gifts, s'mores, and ice cream. Paul and Casey performed a fabulously amusing rendition of "The Night Before Christmas." It was the best thing I'd done in weeks and certainly helped motivate me to work on my paper. I think Sex and the City: season 4 just came [FINALLY]. I hope my DVD player decides to start working by the time I get it tomorrow!
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
things to keep living for
An inherent, even necessary part of life is loss.
Earlier this year, I was amazed by the cyclical qualities of time. Despite this certain things, like birth and death, remain constant. And now I've experienced death up close at an age old enough for it to sink in and change the way I see everything. While the idea of losing everyone I love at some point or another is terrifying, truly we must go on to some better place after death. I feel it more clearly than ever before. The consolation to be found in loss is that the person you loved endures in some way, both in memory and spirit.
I can see and hear Nic so clearly... I have to believe still he exists.
God bless, everyone. Good luck with finals.
Earlier this year, I was amazed by the cyclical qualities of time. Despite this certain things, like birth and death, remain constant. And now I've experienced death up close at an age old enough for it to sink in and change the way I see everything. While the idea of losing everyone I love at some point or another is terrifying, truly we must go on to some better place after death. I feel it more clearly than ever before. The consolation to be found in loss is that the person you loved endures in some way, both in memory and spirit.
I can see and hear Nic so clearly... I have to believe still he exists.
God bless, everyone. Good luck with finals.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Thursday, December 02, 2004
back and forth
Hey... it's me.
So we've been planning Nic's memorial service. I thought I was ok after the rest and distance obtained after Thanksgiving Break, but that was just the hardened me talking. It's unreal to plan this last goodbye. That's what I think of this service as. I just want to do Nic justice, to honor him, and to try to make it through without breaking down completely. Stages of grief for me have been uncontrollable sobbing, dazed detachment from reality, frustration at everything else, attempts to forget anything's wrong, dreams where Nic's ok and it's all been just a big mistake, thankfullness that I got to know such a wonderful guy, guilt, and now back to crying.
Tomorrow is the main service. I'm anxious and sad all at the same time. I'm glad this weekend is a quiet duty one. I don't think I could handle anything much else. Time to go to class.
So we've been planning Nic's memorial service. I thought I was ok after the rest and distance obtained after Thanksgiving Break, but that was just the hardened me talking. It's unreal to plan this last goodbye. That's what I think of this service as. I just want to do Nic justice, to honor him, and to try to make it through without breaking down completely. Stages of grief for me have been uncontrollable sobbing, dazed detachment from reality, frustration at everything else, attempts to forget anything's wrong, dreams where Nic's ok and it's all been just a big mistake, thankfullness that I got to know such a wonderful guy, guilt, and now back to crying.
Tomorrow is the main service. I'm anxious and sad all at the same time. I'm glad this weekend is a quiet duty one. I don't think I could handle anything much else. Time to go to class.
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