Did you know it was colder in TX this past week than it was in MN? Another charming bit brought to you by global warming. It seems the currents are getting stranger and stranger and everyone's weather is being turned upside down. On the upside of this down, it means that coming back to MN wasn't too much of a shock. Another good reason to be back is that now nearly everyone is on campus. Jacob is back -- Meg was here starting in Jan, but it still feels novel to have her around. The tour was a huge chunk of time, but contained some of the best bandie bonding time ever. I didn't expect to, but I really miss the band people!!!!!! I do NOT miss the 8 hour bus days... After tour it's nice to be back in a more normal, less mobile place. Suddenly my floor is hopping with the sounds of people giggling and catching up, though I have the unfortunate job of telling everyone to be quiet after 10pm. The hall is finally starting to quiet down... it's good to be back in Mellby where I feel comfortable and at ease.
I am still keeping in close touch with Jimmy. I can't believe he's as far away as he is! Like everyone else on campus that gets to catch up with people now that the new semester has started, I keep expecting to see him. But alas, unlike all the happy, hugging people, I won't see him for quite some time. At least there's a fabulous eastern europe spring break trip to look forward to! w00t! It's Noah's birthday today -- he's 15. He just keeps getting bigger, it's insane. He got a gen 3 ipod for his birthday. So now he's more gadgeted than I what with his nifty camera and such. I think I'll peek for digital cameras on Craig's List. Canon=my secret camera lover.
TOMORROW NIGHT IS THE ST. OLAF BAND HOME CONCERT! Don't be a square, get your bum down there! :)
Monday, February 07, 2005
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
fun with the sorting hat!
 | You scored as Gryffindor. You have been sorted into Gryffindor! You're brave, loyal, and perhaps a little short tempered- if someone says or does something you don't like, you'll make sure they know- and everyone else too- regardless of the consequences.
The Hogwarts Sorting Hat! created with QuizFarm.com |
Sunday, January 16, 2005
the year in review
Stacey did something nifty on her blog: she took the first sentence (or in my case phrase since I'm a damn incoherent girl) of the first post of each month and combined them. 2004 at Mansfield Park looks something like this:
Jan: Damn computer -- has lost like three of my attempted bloggings in the last week
Feb: Mmmmmhmmmm... it's good to be home. But let me say, that was a damn fine tour.
Mar: So, I've been reading my ecology book faithfully all semester.
Apr: Friday! I spent my absolutely favorite time of the week outside reading, and inside watching Jeopardy as I finally hung up some posters in my room while munching on some good cheese and crackers.
May: I'm telling my little brother that there's something wrong with me and it's absolutely heartbreaking.
Jun: from a lonely cubicle
Jul: nothing welcomes you back to the office like a krispy kreme
Aug: I am 20! I remember reading in Anne of Green Gables that once you turn 20, your character was fixed...
Sept: I'm so glad I did this! Thus far, RA training has been a great week.
Oct: I AM the Big Bang as in I'm going a million directions at once rather violently.
Nov: Hell in a Handbasket: After four years of making fun of Bush, everything from his IQ to his inability to speak coherent English to the mock Texas accent he somehow inherited from his New England relatives, how is it possible that the majority of Americans decided he was the one best suited to lead the country?
Dec: Hey it's me. So we've been planning Nic's memorial service...
Wow, last year saw me travelling the world, changing rooms (a much larger ordeal than you might think), dropping a major, getting diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, living in a cubicle, becoming an RA, trying to do waaaay too much, getting incredibly pissed that Bush was reelected, and losing a good friend. I looked at the corner of my little white board today and saw where I had written Nic's new number and then hidden it when I found out he had died. There were so many huge changes and realizations that I was hardly aware of until they had passed. Still, after all of it, I'm glad to be where I am but I wouldn't want to relive the year. It's good to be moving forward.
Jan: Damn computer -- has lost like three of my attempted bloggings in the last week
Feb: Mmmmmhmmmm... it's good to be home. But let me say, that was a damn fine tour.
Mar: So, I've been reading my ecology book faithfully all semester.
Apr: Friday! I spent my absolutely favorite time of the week outside reading, and inside watching Jeopardy as I finally hung up some posters in my room while munching on some good cheese and crackers.
May: I'm telling my little brother that there's something wrong with me and it's absolutely heartbreaking.
Jun: from a lonely cubicle
Jul: nothing welcomes you back to the office like a krispy kreme
Aug: I am 20! I remember reading in Anne of Green Gables that once you turn 20, your character was fixed...
Sept: I'm so glad I did this! Thus far, RA training has been a great week.
Oct: I AM the Big Bang as in I'm going a million directions at once rather violently.
Nov: Hell in a Handbasket: After four years of making fun of Bush, everything from his IQ to his inability to speak coherent English to the mock Texas accent he somehow inherited from his New England relatives, how is it possible that the majority of Americans decided he was the one best suited to lead the country?
Dec: Hey it's me. So we've been planning Nic's memorial service...
Wow, last year saw me travelling the world, changing rooms (a much larger ordeal than you might think), dropping a major, getting diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, living in a cubicle, becoming an RA, trying to do waaaay too much, getting incredibly pissed that Bush was reelected, and losing a good friend. I looked at the corner of my little white board today and saw where I had written Nic's new number and then hidden it when I found out he had died. There were so many huge changes and realizations that I was hardly aware of until they had passed. Still, after all of it, I'm glad to be where I am but I wouldn't want to relive the year. It's good to be moving forward.
blerg
Jimmy's gone to Budapest and gotten then safely. I'm trying not to be a total dingus about calling a stuff, but I wish I could hear from him. He doesn't have a regular schedule so the one time he's called I missed it and every other time he's meant to call apparently hasn't worked out. No emails, no talking. I wish I could say he was just a phone call away but I don't even have their number. I talked to Jimmy's mom today on the phone which was good -- it was nice to talk to someone going through the same things. I've been pretty much wandering around with a nasty feeling in my stomach and not really sure of where I'm going. I'm sure this will all get better and bearable but right now that doesn't seem to be much consolation.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
the digitized question game!
1. Ask me any 5 questions you like in reply to this post and I will answer your questions honestly in comments.
2. Post this to your blog so that myself and others can also ask you questions.
2. Post this to your blog so that myself and others can also ask you questions.
part II
Jimmy the wonderboy has signed a contract to not drink beer or hard liquor while gone. He will drink wine (you HAVE to in Europe) but only in moderation. I think he realized that he was losing control of himself (see earlier post) and that it was time to make sure he didn't start to go down the alcoholic path (which is a slippery slope if you're predisposed like he is). He just decided to lay off. I'm impressed -- that's the guy I love. The past week has had its rough moments but the good has so far outshone the bad that I think we'll be ok for the next five months. Better than ok. No worries, Grant.
Friday, January 07, 2005
damn romance
My interim classics course in Ovid is teaching me that, if nothing else, romance nearly always goes badly. No matter how in love (or lust) you are, happy endings in the Metamorphoses are rare and I'm wondering if the Greeks and Romans weren't on to something. We have the BEST intentions (what could be better than to love someone and be happy together?) and things still get messy. Jimmy's visiting for the week and it's been a bit rocky. He's gone off and done some drinking (of which I don't approve being an RA type) on the majority of nights. I talked to him about it and he did more. AH! Technically, if I know there's drinking in a room, I have to report it. I really don't want to smell alcohol on his breath night after night. This was one of the things I loved about him -- that he was above the habitual drinking shit of college. Genetically, he has tendencies toward alcohol abuse (being Native American) so he's going to lay off of the hard liquor and beer while he's gone. Which is great, but it doesn't solve this past week which should've been fabulous (he's not studying and just here to see people? come on! that's paradise for a college student). He's leaving in exactly one week from today (almost down to the minute) and going home to get ready in a couple of days..... Time is ticking and a curall that would erase all these hurt feelings has to be the one thing Target doesn't sell. Damnit.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
kicking back with St. Olaf
Damn, it's cold on campus! But, it's damn good to be back.
Details of break: I got sick on Christmas Day night and it lasted until NEW YEAR's Eve. I tried to visit Jimmy after Christmas and came down with a 103 fever so my parents had to come all the way up to Askov to get me. He was super sweet, though. I spent the subsequent days at home trying to sleep and relax and get better. I got to see the PHANTOM with Jennifer and Anna on Wed night and it was delicious fun. I came back and collapsed. I went out to dinner with the girls from home on Thurs (and ate pizza doused in mushrooms). Finally on Friday, things were better -- Jimmy came down and we had some fun at Justin's house with the gamecube. We've played cards and had fun and now we're back at school. He's here for a week before going back and getting ready to leave. I'm trying not to think about that.
Ahhh... so now, it's time for the wonderful laidbackness of interim. Tonight I've eaten pizza in the lounge, watched Sex and the City, talked with Cathy and Jennifer, put on lotion, and taken a shower. Yeah. Happy New Year.
Details of break: I got sick on Christmas Day night and it lasted until NEW YEAR's Eve. I tried to visit Jimmy after Christmas and came down with a 103 fever so my parents had to come all the way up to Askov to get me. He was super sweet, though. I spent the subsequent days at home trying to sleep and relax and get better. I got to see the PHANTOM with Jennifer and Anna on Wed night and it was delicious fun. I came back and collapsed. I went out to dinner with the girls from home on Thurs (and ate pizza doused in mushrooms). Finally on Friday, things were better -- Jimmy came down and we had some fun at Justin's house with the gamecube. We've played cards and had fun and now we're back at school. He's here for a week before going back and getting ready to leave. I'm trying not to think about that.
Ahhh... so now, it's time for the wonderful laidbackness of interim. Tonight I've eaten pizza in the lounge, watched Sex and the City, talked with Cathy and Jennifer, put on lotion, and taken a shower. Yeah. Happy New Year.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
the limestones
I was hanging around the Admin building today finishing some last minute errands:
*new parking permit (which I didn't have to pay another $150 for!!! w00t!)
*finishing course eval from afore-mentioned missed final
*waiting for the Fin. Aid people to get back from lunch so I could drop off coffeehouse paperwork
While I was waiting around, I stopped to look at the limestone walls. I didn't used to like the look of the campus but after writing a bazillion pages about the limestone, I decided to take a closer look. It was remarkable: the way all the different stones magically fit together, all the strange textures and colors. I had never really appreciated limestone for how flawed and yet perfect it was. Kind of like St. Olaf itself. Or the art projects I've been working on lately and their randomness. Or Jimmy and I. Well, it's better late than never to finally see things for how they are: wonderfully flawed.
*new parking permit (which I didn't have to pay another $150 for!!! w00t!)
*finishing course eval from afore-mentioned missed final
*waiting for the Fin. Aid people to get back from lunch so I could drop off coffeehouse paperwork
While I was waiting around, I stopped to look at the limestone walls. I didn't used to like the look of the campus but after writing a bazillion pages about the limestone, I decided to take a closer look. It was remarkable: the way all the different stones magically fit together, all the strange textures and colors. I had never really appreciated limestone for how flawed and yet perfect it was. Kind of like St. Olaf itself. Or the art projects I've been working on lately and their randomness. Or Jimmy and I. Well, it's better late than never to finally see things for how they are: wonderfully flawed.
Monday, December 20, 2004
who forgets their final!?
Ok, not quite. I forgot to go to my "final" which was really filling out course evals. But still. Sometimes I even surprised myself with stupidity. I'd like to say that I'm getting ready to go home and blah blah blah, but I've still got two days here at school. To celebrate, I took the cheese container from the coffeehouse (which would otherwise rot over break) and am going to make myself nachos. The last final is in 15 mins so I figure I can turn on carols with my door open again. I'm a slacker RA. Actually, I have to be a non-slacker! There are literally 20+ room changes happening on my floor (out of 40 something people). I think my floor is setting the campus-wide record. Take that graduating seniors in Ytterboe! Anyway, it has just occured to me how quickly break will go by (which is probably good considering I'll be dreading Jimmy leaving). When I get home, I'll do some last minute shopping. Then we're all going out for John Aho's bday (hope I can find vegetarian food at the Greek restaurant). Then it's Christmas! The day after, I'll head up to Jimmy's house for a couple of days. Then I'll be back to have a sleepover (I feel so teenage!) with Jennifer and Anna to oggle Gerry Butler as Phantom. Then it's New Years and Jimmy's back. So, I think it'll be a safely good holiday. I'm going to try to do some beading -- maybe I can convine Amanda to do it with me! :) Yay. I'm so excited for the holidays!
Sunday, December 12, 2004
approaching the critical point
That "critical point" would be my temp and pressure are reaching explosive levels.
Disclaimer: I apologize if I've been short tempered with anyone reading this.
I know this is a busy time for everyone. We all have classes that require papers, presentations, projects and exams of us. However... I don't know anyone else who's in a top ensemble, is an RA (no offense to JCs, but try being on duty 6 of 8 nights in a row) and helping advise their hall council, and trying to keep track of a functioning business on top of these normal academic duties. I'm not saying that less busy people are luckier than me or that I envy their freedom. What I am saying is that I wish these people would stop complaining loudly in front of me about how hard their life is "ohh, I have so much work to do -- pity me even though I spent last night getting really drunk." You just want to smack something when you're expected to be sympathetic to this.
Ok, I'm done ranting. I've actually been really productive writing my mega-paper this weekend. After about... oh, 25 hours of serious writing after weeks of research, I'm proud that I'm nearly done! It means I haven't gone out and done anything since Thanksgiving Break, but ah well.
On a much happier, more cheerful note, Jimmy decided to take it upon himself to clean my disastrous room last night at 1am. Instead of boxes, papers, and clothing everywhere, he organized, folded and put everything away. It's sooo wonderful in the room now! I can't thank him enough. Last night's Mellby Holiday Party was a TON of fun. People enjoyed the gifts, s'mores, and ice cream. Paul and Casey performed a fabulously amusing rendition of "The Night Before Christmas." It was the best thing I'd done in weeks and certainly helped motivate me to work on my paper. I think Sex and the City: season 4 just came [FINALLY]. I hope my DVD player decides to start working by the time I get it tomorrow!
Disclaimer: I apologize if I've been short tempered with anyone reading this.
I know this is a busy time for everyone. We all have classes that require papers, presentations, projects and exams of us. However... I don't know anyone else who's in a top ensemble, is an RA (no offense to JCs, but try being on duty 6 of 8 nights in a row) and helping advise their hall council, and trying to keep track of a functioning business on top of these normal academic duties. I'm not saying that less busy people are luckier than me or that I envy their freedom. What I am saying is that I wish these people would stop complaining loudly in front of me about how hard their life is "ohh, I have so much work to do -- pity me even though I spent last night getting really drunk." You just want to smack something when you're expected to be sympathetic to this.
Ok, I'm done ranting. I've actually been really productive writing my mega-paper this weekend. After about... oh, 25 hours of serious writing after weeks of research, I'm proud that I'm nearly done! It means I haven't gone out and done anything since Thanksgiving Break, but ah well.
On a much happier, more cheerful note, Jimmy decided to take it upon himself to clean my disastrous room last night at 1am. Instead of boxes, papers, and clothing everywhere, he organized, folded and put everything away. It's sooo wonderful in the room now! I can't thank him enough. Last night's Mellby Holiday Party was a TON of fun. People enjoyed the gifts, s'mores, and ice cream. Paul and Casey performed a fabulously amusing rendition of "The Night Before Christmas." It was the best thing I'd done in weeks and certainly helped motivate me to work on my paper. I think Sex and the City: season 4 just came [FINALLY]. I hope my DVD player decides to start working by the time I get it tomorrow!
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
things to keep living for
An inherent, even necessary part of life is loss.
Earlier this year, I was amazed by the cyclical qualities of time. Despite this certain things, like birth and death, remain constant. And now I've experienced death up close at an age old enough for it to sink in and change the way I see everything. While the idea of losing everyone I love at some point or another is terrifying, truly we must go on to some better place after death. I feel it more clearly than ever before. The consolation to be found in loss is that the person you loved endures in some way, both in memory and spirit.
I can see and hear Nic so clearly... I have to believe still he exists.
God bless, everyone. Good luck with finals.
Earlier this year, I was amazed by the cyclical qualities of time. Despite this certain things, like birth and death, remain constant. And now I've experienced death up close at an age old enough for it to sink in and change the way I see everything. While the idea of losing everyone I love at some point or another is terrifying, truly we must go on to some better place after death. I feel it more clearly than ever before. The consolation to be found in loss is that the person you loved endures in some way, both in memory and spirit.
I can see and hear Nic so clearly... I have to believe still he exists.
God bless, everyone. Good luck with finals.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Thursday, December 02, 2004
back and forth
Hey... it's me.
So we've been planning Nic's memorial service. I thought I was ok after the rest and distance obtained after Thanksgiving Break, but that was just the hardened me talking. It's unreal to plan this last goodbye. That's what I think of this service as. I just want to do Nic justice, to honor him, and to try to make it through without breaking down completely. Stages of grief for me have been uncontrollable sobbing, dazed detachment from reality, frustration at everything else, attempts to forget anything's wrong, dreams where Nic's ok and it's all been just a big mistake, thankfullness that I got to know such a wonderful guy, guilt, and now back to crying.
Tomorrow is the main service. I'm anxious and sad all at the same time. I'm glad this weekend is a quiet duty one. I don't think I could handle anything much else. Time to go to class.
So we've been planning Nic's memorial service. I thought I was ok after the rest and distance obtained after Thanksgiving Break, but that was just the hardened me talking. It's unreal to plan this last goodbye. That's what I think of this service as. I just want to do Nic justice, to honor him, and to try to make it through without breaking down completely. Stages of grief for me have been uncontrollable sobbing, dazed detachment from reality, frustration at everything else, attempts to forget anything's wrong, dreams where Nic's ok and it's all been just a big mistake, thankfullness that I got to know such a wonderful guy, guilt, and now back to crying.
Tomorrow is the main service. I'm anxious and sad all at the same time. I'm glad this weekend is a quiet duty one. I don't think I could handle anything much else. Time to go to class.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
the owner of this blog is going slowly crazy
Waaaa.... There is so much to get done in the next few weeks, entirely outside of finals:
Wednesday:
class&lab 9am-3:30
meeting w/JP for jury piece 4:30
run to Skog for usher training 5
eat dinner 6
on duty 7-10:30ish
decorate Mellby 8pm
Thursday:
research in archives @ 10ish
meet with Pastor to plan memorial service for close friend 11
lunch 12
reading 1-2
class 2:15-3:40
band 4:50
study/start papers 7-8:30
coffeehouse 8:45-12:15
Friday:
class 9am-12:45pm
memorial service in cities for Nic: 1pm-4:30 or 4:45
performance with clar choir 4:30 *tricky, very tricky
dinner
on duty all night
Sat:
writing, researching, on duty, planning for memorial service, planning hall event
Sun:
8:30-12:00 chapel performance with SOB
that afternoon ushering
on duty all night
hall council at 10pm
Monday:
classes, planning memorial service
recital of Amy 6:45
more duty after that
Tuesday:
saying goodbye to Nic for real.....
For some reason, it was therapeutic to write that all out. Now I just need to force myself through it. No one said this was easy, but they didn't say how hard it was either.
Wednesday:
class&lab 9am-3:30
meeting w/JP for jury piece 4:30
run to Skog for usher training 5
eat dinner 6
on duty 7-10:30ish
decorate Mellby 8pm
Thursday:
research in archives @ 10ish
meet with Pastor to plan memorial service for close friend 11
lunch 12
reading 1-2
class 2:15-3:40
band 4:50
study/start papers 7-8:30
coffeehouse 8:45-12:15
Friday:
class 9am-12:45pm
memorial service in cities for Nic: 1pm-4:30 or 4:45
performance with clar choir 4:30 *tricky, very tricky
dinner
on duty all night
Sat:
writing, researching, on duty, planning for memorial service, planning hall event
Sun:
8:30-12:00 chapel performance with SOB
that afternoon ushering
on duty all night
hall council at 10pm
Monday:
classes, planning memorial service
recital of Amy 6:45
more duty after that
Tuesday:
saying goodbye to Nic for real.....
For some reason, it was therapeutic to write that all out. Now I just need to force myself through it. No one said this was easy, but they didn't say how hard it was either.
Monday, November 22, 2004
so much suffering in the world
I don't know where to begin. This past weekend my good friend Nic passed away unexpectedly. We gathered last night to remember him and tell funny stories of him. I kept thinking I'd see him any moment and he'd tell us that it was ok, it had been just one awful misunderstanding. But, I can't help but realize that he's gone forever.
Nic was a wonderful guy and probably the kindest person I know. He would drop everything to help you, whether it was carrying your refrigerator up several flights of stairs on move-in day, lending you a prized video game system, helping you rearrange your room, listening to you, give you a ride someplace, meet you in the summer for a spur of the moment movie, or steal you the ONE golden caf bowl in existence. But, he was also sensitive: Nic wrote poems by the gallon and would send them out to us on an alias he created called "midnight poetry." He also took wonderful photographs of campus, his cabin.
I can't believe I'll never see him walking from Larson, hear him yell "AHHHH" and run at me, tickle me, then hoist me over his shoulder and carry me off. Or read all the wonderful poems he had yet to write. Or get to surprise him in the caf while he was working with a hug. Or see him walking around campus when it was literally 20 degrees out in nothing but a tee-shirt, shorts, and sandals. Or just see his smile or hear him laugh. I don't think we realize how intricately connected to one another we are until something terrible happens and all we can do is search for meaning.
I keep wandering around campus in a surreal daze. When I walk by the chime tower, I can't help but think that now my good friend is going to have a chime up there too. I cannot imagine what Nic must have gone through yesterday or what his family must be going through now. We can only pray that God is taking care of Nic now and that he knows how much we love and will miss him.
Nic was a wonderful guy and probably the kindest person I know. He would drop everything to help you, whether it was carrying your refrigerator up several flights of stairs on move-in day, lending you a prized video game system, helping you rearrange your room, listening to you, give you a ride someplace, meet you in the summer for a spur of the moment movie, or steal you the ONE golden caf bowl in existence. But, he was also sensitive: Nic wrote poems by the gallon and would send them out to us on an alias he created called "midnight poetry." He also took wonderful photographs of campus, his cabin.
I can't believe I'll never see him walking from Larson, hear him yell "AHHHH" and run at me, tickle me, then hoist me over his shoulder and carry me off. Or read all the wonderful poems he had yet to write. Or get to surprise him in the caf while he was working with a hug. Or see him walking around campus when it was literally 20 degrees out in nothing but a tee-shirt, shorts, and sandals. Or just see his smile or hear him laugh. I don't think we realize how intricately connected to one another we are until something terrible happens and all we can do is search for meaning.
I keep wandering around campus in a surreal daze. When I walk by the chime tower, I can't help but think that now my good friend is going to have a chime up there too. I cannot imagine what Nic must have gone through yesterday or what his family must be going through now. We can only pray that God is taking care of Nic now and that he knows how much we love and will miss him.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
(insert blood curdling scream)
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU MARIA!? I certainly don't feel pretty, or for that matter healthy, well-rested, sane, or considerate of other human beings.
I AM SICK OF HAVING CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME! I slept for nine hours last night which, on a day when I have to get up at 8:30, is impressive. When I woke up, it was like the hangover from hell. Physically getting out of my bed was painful. Dragging my exhausted ass to class was worse. I don't mean to complain, but this is not normal. I need ten to eleven hours a day of sleep to be able to function normally with my freakish disorder. I've basically had mono for the past 5 years. When will this end!? It's crippling all the time.... I usually pretend I'm totally normal but lately it's been getting to me how far from the truth that is.
When did class work start requiring us to relinquish all pleasure in life for weeks and months at a time? My profs say we should enjoy the nice weather, appreciate our lives as students, think about what's really meaningful to us, etc. as they assign 100 pages of dense reading, a comprehensive exam, a term paper, projects, and response essays. WHAT!? Enjoy what life? Next time they go on about all the free time we have as college students I'll tell them where to stick it.
And, to top it all of, I've become the megabitch from planet "what crawled up your ass and died?" I'm not feeling nice, happy, or leadery. I want my coffeehouse employees to turn in their damn paperwork. I want my residents to be remotely appreciative. And I want Jimmy to stop saying one thing and doing another. His time management skills (or lack thereof due to coursework and boyishness) cause me to freak out on him at least every other day. I wish I did not have so many commitments (like staff retreats and quiz bowl readings) this weekend, because it's f*ing large philosophy paper time!
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU MARIA!? I certainly don't feel pretty, or for that matter healthy, well-rested, sane, or considerate of other human beings.
I AM SICK OF HAVING CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME! I slept for nine hours last night which, on a day when I have to get up at 8:30, is impressive. When I woke up, it was like the hangover from hell. Physically getting out of my bed was painful. Dragging my exhausted ass to class was worse. I don't mean to complain, but this is not normal. I need ten to eleven hours a day of sleep to be able to function normally with my freakish disorder. I've basically had mono for the past 5 years. When will this end!? It's crippling all the time.... I usually pretend I'm totally normal but lately it's been getting to me how far from the truth that is.
When did class work start requiring us to relinquish all pleasure in life for weeks and months at a time? My profs say we should enjoy the nice weather, appreciate our lives as students, think about what's really meaningful to us, etc. as they assign 100 pages of dense reading, a comprehensive exam, a term paper, projects, and response essays. WHAT!? Enjoy what life? Next time they go on about all the free time we have as college students I'll tell them where to stick it.
And, to top it all of, I've become the megabitch from planet "what crawled up your ass and died?" I'm not feeling nice, happy, or leadery. I want my coffeehouse employees to turn in their damn paperwork. I want my residents to be remotely appreciative. And I want Jimmy to stop saying one thing and doing another. His time management skills (or lack thereof due to coursework and boyishness) cause me to freak out on him at least every other day. I wish I did not have so many commitments (like staff retreats and quiz bowl readings) this weekend, because it's f*ing large philosophy paper time!
Thursday, November 11, 2004
toblerone!
I had never had a toblerone bar before..... it's Orgasmic cubed! So incredibly good.... Now if only I could rationalize eating lots more, but alas I'm trying to be a slimmer gal. My computer is busted -- won't play any music or restore the system -- but no viruses are to be found! I don't know what happened and it seems as if there's nothing to be done. My computer is like me: clearly not working properly, but no detectable problems. Argh.
Friday, November 05, 2004
one
Jimmy's out of town for the weekend giving a talk at a conference for undergraduate research. PHEW! What a mouthful. It's all so scientific. I don't feel that bad about dropping out of the whole science world for a bit. I realized I've been doing a lot of things lately just to "fit in." I've never been one to follow convention and do what everyone thinks I should. If I had, I'd be sciencing it up with a boring mainstream major, playing a normal instrument, in a very ordinary relationship, and probably at another school since no one, least of all me, expected me to end up at St. Olaf. But, here I am, in the middle of Norweiganland -- RAing, playing a one-of-a-kind clarinet in a major ensemble, dating a wonderful guy who I'll most likely be with for the rest of my life, managing a business, and studing the environmental arts and humanities writing things like landscape meditations.
I guess this blog post is really for me, an affirmation of sorts to say "here I am" and be proud of myself. I'm not sure why this is something I struggle with. So, this is me: I have a really odd home life, a small obsession with garden gnomes, an incredible relationship, a coffeehouse to manage, a band to play in, and a building to help run. I love it. I love the diverse things I do. While trying to talk myself into settling and doing what I think everyone wants me to, I forgot who I am and what I love.
Thus, it's time to start career searching, something that could keep me interested for longer than a week. Jimmy decided that he wants to study planetary sciences! I'm so impressed. He finally found something that could encompass all his interests. There's got to be something out there for me.
I guess this blog post is really for me, an affirmation of sorts to say "here I am" and be proud of myself. I'm not sure why this is something I struggle with. So, this is me: I have a really odd home life, a small obsession with garden gnomes, an incredible relationship, a coffeehouse to manage, a band to play in, and a building to help run. I love it. I love the diverse things I do. While trying to talk myself into settling and doing what I think everyone wants me to, I forgot who I am and what I love.
Thus, it's time to start career searching, something that could keep me interested for longer than a week. Jimmy decided that he wants to study planetary sciences! I'm so impressed. He finally found something that could encompass all his interests. There's got to be something out there for me.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
hell in a handbasket
After four years of making fun of Bush, everything from his IQ to his inability to speak coherent English to the mock Texas accent he somehow inherited from his New England relatives, how is it possible that the majority of Americans decided he was the one best suited to lead the country. I mean, HAVE YOU NOT HEARD HIM TALK!? Aside from this, the top aides and Whitehouse insiders who describe his administration do not have positive things to say. He's like a muppet without all that Jim Hensen fun. I feel so disgusted with the country. Where are we headed? It's surely not toward greater tolerance for those around the world. Nor is it toward protecting the environment we depend upon for every breath we take. People said they voted based on "moral issues." What does that even mean? The Republican party isn't the example of morality on the vast majority of issues. Even if you're against killing fetuses, you may not have any problem with letting people starve in the streets. Or with letting them breathe toxic air. Or drink polluted water. After all, you can probably afford to save yourself -- who cares about the rest of them? You're successful and it's because you deserve it. The rest of them? Maybe they're just lazy. On second thought, it's America who seems to be lazy. People are so dissatisfied with the last four years... and what did they do? They re-elected the man whoses decisions constitute a sizeable chunk of that dissatisfaction. I'd like to think that when Americans see the need for a change, we make one. But all I'm left with is "we're going to hell in a handbasket."
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