"you're... here?"

New York has been wonderful and very eventful! Tomorrow is the last day of the most eventful trip ever so I really ought to update!

We got to my aunt and uncle's house on Tuesday (after flying in late on Monday night). They're the head of the family, so to speak, and of course we were going to have a big family dinner with all my cousins and their kids. We were hanging out on their patio and my cousin-in-law, Wendy (whom I adore), called me inside. I'm bounding up the deck stairs to the house and out steps Jimmy. IN NEW YORK. AT MY FAMILY'S HOUSE. And he gets down on one knee right there in front of all the people I love and proposes!!!!!!! (Of course you know what I said! :) So, he stayed until very early this morning and got to meet all the family (which takes some considerable time) and it's been just wonderful and very, very surreal. Esp when he gets introduced as "Lauren's fiance". I also had the most wonderful 21st bday party ever thrown by my cousins Dave and Wendy complete with Dave's band playing live music. What a trip! I am a lucky girl! I hope everyone else has been having a wonderful couple of weeks!! I can't wait to see you Oles back on campus!

live and legal!

There is nothing quite so exciting as ordering a drink on your 21st birthday... or 5 drinks. :) (Haha, don't get shocked -- they were spread out and I was definitely not to the point of anything past giggly! The best was a Sex on the Beach.) We went out to dinner with family and a few friends at Punch Neopolitan Pizza in EP which was wonderful. My aunt and uncle came down from Maple Grove and Elizabeth, Amanda, Jennifer, and Jimmy also came from various corners of the cities. Then we wandered over to Old Chicago and sat on the terrace for a few hours. It was like a birthday open house -- people kept dropping in and out. I hadn't seen many of them in a while, so that was quite exciting!

Other interesting things happening lately:
*found a baking soda remedy to the green hair
*the power went out at the pool yesterday and everyone was screaming when it went dark from the awful storm that slammed Chaska
*Wendy and I played frisbee with two 15 year olds in Excelsior
*Res Life has not sent out any rosters for door dec info and I'm leaving in less than a week!
*Peter is definitely going to be at school all of next year, yay!
*My family was invited up to Askov to meet the farm, Jimmy's foster brother and his family, and generally hang out for a day. It went really, really well!
*I'm trying to tie up loose ends in the next few days like doing all my shopping and packing for school. Next Monday is NY and then the morning after we get back, I move in! Wow!
*TWO MORE DAYS OF WORK!!! 'Nuff said, that's damn exciting!
*Can't wait to see everyone back at school!!!!

signs you spend too much time at a pool

1. You teach two sessions of swimming lessons a day and still have time to pull a full 6 hours of guarding.
2. You look forward to the days with 200+ kids because "the time passes faster."
3. When you leave the pool deck, there's a ringing in your ears from hours of screaming children.
4. You eat the majority of your meals at work.
5. You wear a swimsuit more often than not.
6. It will take about 4 showers to scrub the smell of pool off you.
7. Even the construction workers say "you're here AGAIN!?"
8. You don't have enough time at home to wash your guarding shirt.
9. You forget you're wearing a whistle and walk around in public.
10. While showering in the locker room, you notice that your hair is green like a mermaid's! (actually happened this morning!!!!!!!!!)

While it's fun to keep busy and I love teaching those kids, I'm very much looking forward to the 12th, my last day at the pool!

Posting a couple pictures ('cause I just learned how!)

The Glass Cathedral: ruins encased in a modern shelter -- what an amazing place to play!



Taken at about 11pm on a fjord near the town of Laerdal, Norway.

100 club

So I had allergy testing today -- over 100 pricks from various sources (including little shots)!

YOUCH! Not too pleasant when you start hitting nerves. The verdict? Random hives caused by nearly all trees, pollens (also causing food allergies), weeds, grasses, dusts, and a couple nuts! The irony of being an environmental nut (no pun intended) and allergic to nearly everything found outside is not lost on me... Now, what to do for a career? ;)

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

No spoilers here, so have no fear.

In one's life, there are so many things that fail to live up to one's expectations. Just look at the most recent episodes of Star Wars.

And then, there are times that what you expect pales in comparison to the real thing. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince falls under this category. I forced myself to slow down and read it in a day and a half (instead of in one night like I considered)... This latest installment is more suspenseful from the first couple chapters and continues the trend of the past few books by becoming even darker than 3, 4, or 5. Fortunately, there is no more irrational, moody teenage Harry, though there are the usual Ron/Hermione disagreements. Well? What else would you expect? I do with that the novel overall had more to do with its title, but then... Goblet of Fire could have been seen as a stretch for a title, too, now that I think of it. J.K. Rowling's writing gets even funnier. I think that my family and Jimmy think I've cracked because I was laughing hysterically as I read. :) A must read... I can't wait for book 7!

July is here?

Hey everyone!

Thanks for the comments on the last post. Sometimes one forgets that anyone might read online ramblings. Guro and Nina: you made my day!

I started teaching swimming lessons this morning. After the unpleasant surprise that my boss had cut my first lesson and that I'd get to sit around for an hour, things went really well. The kids are so sweet and excited to be in the water. The first class is comprised of younger, newer swimmers. Class #2 has older kids who know the basics and it's a lot of fun to work on the finer details of swimming with them. The lessons last for two weeks... I hope I get scheduled to teach more! It feels so wonderful to be in a pool again. Swimming is like flying in water.

And now, it's time to relax with a mud mask, Futurama, and a glass of wine (something I can actually do here with my family unlike at St. Olaf!). Hopefully more entries to follow soon.

Post-Norway

I'm almost ashamed to show my cyber-face for lack of blogging in the last month and a half! But, here I am, back from travels in Norway and working as a lifeguard and swim instructor in Chaska for the summer, so I think it's time to update.

Norway has to be the most beautiful country in the world. There are dozens of waterfalls on each mountain and the water everywhere is clean. From the short while that we were there I could tell that money and big business are not at the center of Norway. Citizens, families, taking care of their land, and a having a permanent culture were higher priorities.

But, now that I'm back home, all studious thoughts seem to have flown out of my head. Existence as I know consists of cable TV and wireless internet (the new ammenities in my room), playing with the Chaska community band, trying to make sense of the chaos in my room, work, catching up with friends, and seeing Jimmy. Not very profound, but it's a nice break, I suppose.

HA

Your Birthdate: August 5

With a birthday on the 5th of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Sunday morning, rain is falling

I mean that in the relaxed Maroon 5 song way because I just had the best Sunday ever.

It started terribly with me in a bad mood feeling bad about not having studied better yesterday, not sleeping well, allergies, not going to lunch, not saying goodbye to my pet Georgia in a proper burial, and then having to run off to meet a group to work on a small paper.

After the letter to a public policy maker was finished, I decided to sit behind Mellby in my plot to read. The whole area was full of life. It was shaded and pleasantly cool; things were moving all around me. After giving up on my reading, I put David Orr down and looked around me for long, perfect moments that stretched out into a seeming eternity. As I meditated on what I saw, and smelled, and felt, and heard, I could feel God in the soft grass between my fingers. And in the squirrel next to me. The bugs crawling on my Campus Ecology reading. The trees that swayed gracefully with newly unfurled leaves. In the wind that was racing swiftly over the hill and through me. As the wind touched me, I looked down and realized that I was a part of this magnificent divine creation. I felt blessed and connected to life all over the planet. Time slowed to a near standstill and I could take in this wonderful moments.

Then I realized that my trees looked like the shire! Howard Shore played in my head. I went in to get my camera and I came back out to bury Georgia under the trees and take Mellby pictures. I was standing on a trash can when out came Cathy on her way to cut lilacs. I joined her and we happily and rebelliously walked around campus cutting small sprigs and inhaling the heavenly scent. There's something infinitely wonderful about lilacs in the spring!

After walking back to Mellby, I carried the bouquet to my room. I packed a bit more before my parents came down. My mom was wearing the jewelry I had made her!! My mother and father and I went out to the Tavern (after checking MANY restaurants only to find they were closed for Sunday) and ate outside. We talked and laughed and just enjoyed one another's company. It was so rare and precious! Usually at home, someone is getting mad over something but it's different when they visit me. St. Olaf is pacifying and seems to bring out the best in everyone.

After we came back, we walked behind Mellby and in the quad appreciating the memorial chime tower (where I could point out the bundle containing Nic's chime) and the flowering crab apple trees. I never had appreciated limestone until recently (see an earlier blog entry last semester) but I marvel at the buildings' construction now. Besides of the verdant green and the company of my parents, it felt wonderful to be outside because the air was electric the way it is just before a storm moves through. It's exciting and vibrant and still tranquil all at once. My dad brought petals from the blossoms of our crab apple tree and they remind me of home.

Despite the desire to relax and see familiar sights of Grandview Road, I can't help but realize that St. Olaf is my place now. I've made a full life for myself here and I feel at peace. I only hope that thought will carry me through finals and Commencement Weekend. I cannot wait to see Jimmy when he comes home and to walk everywhere with him. He's the one piece that was missing from this perfect Sunday.

thoughts on friendship

After some thought-provoking reads for Campus Ecology, I have been thinking more critically about friendships, namely those here at St. Olaf.

We're all such busy individuals and go about our days in very individualistic ways: we plan our lives around our classes, commitments, activities, jobs and not around those of anyone else. Some do manage to see a boyfriend or girlfriend quite a bit, but it seems like if any relationship is to suffer due to our individuality, it's a friendship. As far as our friends on campus go, "out of sight, out of mind" seems to be the rule. We don't fall into good conversations with people who live on the other side of the Heights the way we do with our neighboring friends. I think part of the reason is because the friends across campus don't fit into our cozy, autonomous routine and thus seeing and communicating with them requires expending more energy than the typical over-booked Ole seems able or willing to do.

Then I think about the quality of conversation we do have in chance moments between the hubub. Sometimes, we fall into talks in which we feel comfortable enough to tell what's really on our minds: "man, I really hate this class because..." or "I feel more alive because it's springtime" or "this is what I think about the meaning of life, about religion, or about family." These times in which we truly connect with those around us are beautiful and precious. They are also rare. More often than not, conversation falls to "hey how are you" without really intending to receive or listen to the answer. Or, discourse falls to more superficial subjects such as other people, the work we have to do and an almost competition to see who's more miserable. We're either too distracted or too busy to really listen and give one another the time they deserve.

I love the people I've gotten to know here and I know I'm anything but the ideal friend at times. It's troubling to think that we are hardly conscious of how little respect we give one another. Friendship is one of the most worthy things we can hope to accomplish in our time at St. Olaf. Perhaps if we were mindful of these relationships, if we stopped and took the time for conversation with one another, we wouldn't feel so rushed all the time.

sinking

Hey everyone,

I promise I've been meaning to update about Budapest and I will once I feel happy enough to do it justice for the most wonderful week it was...

Right now, however, I feel like I need to lock myself in my room and scream. It's everything at once: the band, and the hall, and the coffeehouse, and classes, and the future plans. All of it is piling up one after the other and I'm at the bottom with no hope of getting back on top of it all again for quite some time. Part of me feels "silly girl, you shouldn't have commited to so much" but the other part remembers that it hasn't been this bad the whole year! For the most part, I've been happily busy and I've really enjoyed what I do. So what's going on right now? My new best friend, my planner, is full of meetings, projects, reminders, and things I have to get done so that there's literally no more room to write down my assignments for school. I keep thinking "as soon as ____ is done, it'll be ok" but I have to realize that this is a lot more than just one hall event or one moment in band.

Tears are always bubbling up just under my surface. Tonight I cried in public and then some more and I realized afterward that no one stopped to help... I mean, I was talking to someone but there was no "Lauren, are you ok?" or "would you like a hug" nothing... I just kept trying to stop the tears and wiping them away when I could not. It wasn't until I got back to Mellby that I got some support. Support... yeah, that's definitely missing in my life right now. There's no Jimmy. He's not here and I can't see him until the end of June. I have to face that. But the other stuff... where is it coming from? I feel as if everything got so busy so suddenly that there's nothing I can do to renegotiate my schedule and, of course, no one can help. On the whole, my friends outside the hall are too busy with their own worries and troubles to help me. But, I really do need some help and support. I'm living in constant fear of sobbing or snapping or collapsing (literally... the CFS is not going to let me keep up with a schedule of no breaks from morning until late at night for much longer).

I wish that people would remember how much of a difference they make! In my super-hysterical state, the little bad things that happen get magnified but so do the small good things people do. Tonight, I talked to Kristin A., Josh, Lisa, Christine and Peter at the front desk and I could have kissed them all for the relief it was to have people care and sympathize with what was happening to me right when I needed it most. My life is spinning out of my control and now, it's those nice things people are doing that keep me going.

House of Hope

Hi everyone -- Long time no blog! I just got back from Ruth's House of Hope in Faribault which is a halfway house/shelter for women from a variety of backgrounds and experiences who need a safe place to raise children, get back on their feet, recover from drug addictions, find jobs and homes, and get their lives together. This is part of a service learning project for Feminist Theology and it was the primary reason I didn't drop the course. Our task was to drive in, interview some of the women who live there, hear their stories and we will compile them as a fundraiser for the shelter to show the positive impact it has. Positive impact is an understatement. It is all too easy when you come from a school like St. Olaf to forget the hardships that people endure while they are here on Earth. Talking to these women opens your mind to the gift of living and the power of hope.
After we interviewed women in the house, a staff member said she would like to tell us her story but that we should go someplace else. Gina is studying human services at a school in Owatonna and is an intern at Ruth's House. At the Java Live coffeehouse downtown, we listened to Gina, who was raised in Northfield amid physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Despite this, she has vowed to break the cycles of abuse that consumed her family growing up. She is 38 and has four children, whom she is raising in a safe, healthy environment so they won't have to search for answers the rest of their lives as she has. She talked about how that abuse and the things that people say in anger never really go away -- people tell you to forget them and it's not possible because they have become a part of who you are. I really understood what she meant by this, but I have never faced the trials that she lived ith every day. What amazed me most about Gina was the faith she showed in God. She believes that God is watching over her and helping her to get through the earlier parts of her life, giving her courage to face what has happened and prevent it from continuing. It was uncanny coincidence that led Gina to Ruth's House and she has so many moving personal experiences that guide her to live a better life than she thought she ever could.
Hearing her speak made me realize that things do happen for reasons and that people are sent into our lives to make a difference. Meeting Jimmy has to be one of those things... He hasn't had the easiest life either, but he has shown me that I am worthy and deserve of love and happiness. Before, I had wondered before if they could ever really happen for me. It makes me appreciate my mother and father and brother all the more because they want the best for all of us and many families don't have parents who care so much. There is so much wonder and beauty in simply living your life and finding happiness in the fact that you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and people who care about you. Sometimes we think of these things as our rights, not as a privilege worthy of eternal thanks. Where has my faith in God been? I felt so alone and so confused. Volunteering this morning definitely made me see the world and my own experiences in an entirely different light. That place really is a house of hope, not just for the people who live there but for those who pass through.

Budapest

Hi everyone... I'm off to Budapest tomorrow to see Jimmy for the first time in months. I'm a bit anxious about the logistics of getting there and back alone, but I can't wait to see him!!! What a wonderful (and impromptu) spring break!!! I'll be back in Chanhassen on the 24th, so I can see family and friends. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday from school, whenever it may be!! Much love.

i thank You God for most this amazing day

i thank You God for most this amazing day

e.e. cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how could tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any – lifted from the no
of all nothing – human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

RAND BABY!

Next year, I will be the student hall coordinator of Rand Hall.

I'm so excited! I can't believe I actually got the job! Senior year will rock my face off!

the scarf

The scarf I am knitting is truly a thing of majesty.

At least, it's more majestic than anything I've created lately. While adding inches to it over the past few nights, it occured to me how representative of my life with Jimmy it is. Our relationship was a long time in the making, like the scarf I've been devoting all my spare moments to. Once going, the scarf's stitches are even and regular (of which I'm REALLY proud since this is attempt #1) -- they interlock with one another like moments in time, some better made than others, but each depending upon the previous stitches and supporting the next ones. The very best stitches would be nowhere without some variation. Its color is a secret right now to Jimmy, but I will hint that it is deep and beautiful and timeless. This whole creation has come to be something I depend on greatly -- consolation after a hard day, my companion during good times with friends, and a constant reminder of love and my wonderful boyfriend who is thousands of miles away. And, the scarf is huge; it keeps going and going. When it is finished, it will be worn to provide warmth and comfort. Its story will change from a work in progress to a masterpiece whose tale has just begun.

It's only 12 days until I leave to deliver this gift to its new owner... I can't wait! I'm on pins and [knitting] needles.

green design

As a continuation from last semester's St. Olaf landscape project, I've been thinking a lot about the design of our campus. Environmental issues weren't really on the radar when Holland or Mellby were built, but the structures still incorportate a lot of light, are inviting, inspire intellectual activity (this is mostly attributed to the Norman Gothic architectural style of this building era), and are solid pieces of architecture.

Wendell Berry gave these critera for intelligent and ecological building design:
*right scale
*simplicity
*efficient use of resources
*close fit between means and ends
*durability
*redundance (as in there are backup systems in case something goes wrong)
*resilience

Are these characteristics exemplified in our campus buildings?

What about Buntrock Commons which makes an effective use of natural lighting, carpet squares that can be easily replaced, cleaned, and reused, durable furniture and building materials (e.g. limestone is much more durable than brick and was once produced locally), but it very grandiose and perhaps too ambitious for a campus center? Is it an efficient use of resources for the college? Will the new Science Center be well-designed? What about the older buildings? Holland Hall, Old Main, Mellby Hall, Rolvaag Library? Do these exemplify good design values?
What kind of impression does our overall campus plan (look, placement, landscaping) have on visitors and students?

I'm very curious to see what you all think...

and now it's time for our staff update!

This will have to be short since "A Sand County Almanac" is calling me to bed... to read in bed!!! It's a favorite pastime of mine to curl up under the covers and enjoy a good book.

In the last few days, I have:
-decided to go for the SHC position
-written 7 (yes, 7) papers including a long outline for a presentation and an even longer application to be an SHC
-written recommendations for my excellent friends so that they too may partake in the goodness that is student staff
-hosted an Un-Birthday Party for Mellby with my fellow RAs... it was quite the soiree and I ended up with a "Playdough" award from the Hall Council for my ability to make event happen
-smashed it up (SSB: Melee) and actually won a few times against the avid gamers of Mellb
-listened to a lot of John Adams
-eaten a considerable amount of chocolate (white, milk, dark, truffle, kiss, toblerone, hot, etc.)
-let my room get "Past the Point of No Return" (only Phantom fans will get that)... but not in that good panty change way!
-had my SHC interview which I actually think went pretty damn well
-learned more new things about myself (my one big breaking of quiet hours with my residents!)
-gotten really excited at the prospect of more res life staff-age next year
-considered dropping my terrible feminist theology class
-bought Grant and myself t-shirts in honor of V-Week: mine says "I heart Vaginas"
-finally had a moment to chill out and thus the blog update

I think that's all from my side of things.... I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I'll be going home to read for the Chaska Invite and frolic with good friends in Chan on Friday eve. I can't wait! Ciao for now.....

I love my floor

Tonight we sang Disney songs to one another while talking about Gerry, LOTR, the craziness that is my room, my SHC application, and breaking quiet hours. Oops! I love my floor so much. I almost wish I could wrap myself in the warmth of these wonderful people and remember that, even when things might get sad, things like friendship and love break all boundaries. What if I hadn't been in Mellby this year? My life would be less rich for not knowing the girls I'm priviledged live with. I love you all.