A comment of Grant's has sparked a new entry:

"i could definitely see you doing the rebel thing. that would explain why we don't see you very often. "

Though this was meant in jest, the phrase "that would explain why we dont see you very often" puzzled me. Who is "we"? Who don't I see that often? Does everyone think that since I have Jimmy I automatically don't have time for them? If so, that's not true and not very fair. I don't have a ton of time to hang out. And when I do, usually no one is available to do things. It's either a) too late, or b) too far, or c) they have homework left, and it's totally cool. And at least I'm making an effort. I've not been asked to do much lately, besides by Jimmy (I guess I know he wants to see me), aside from eat lunch (Grant) and Meg once asking me about Halloween. Sadness. I mean, if people don't care that's fine, but if they're waiting for me to take the initiative, I think everyone knows how tired I get of being the caller for dinners, weekends, etc. (BTW - hats off to Grant for his well-organized dinner party last week.) But I still think this isn't so nice. Yeah... ok, I'm done. Don't be a stranger, ya hear?

Grant told me to set a schedule up, that way I have my time partitioned and know what to do with myself -- here goes:

Monday
9:45a Wake-up/Shower
10:45 Great Conversation
11:50 Chemistry
12:45p Lunch
1:20 Homework Catch-up
2:00 French
3:15 Band
4:50 Relax
6:10 Dinner
7:00 Study Time
9:00 Coffeehouse
12:30a Bed

Tuesday
7:30a Wake-up
11:00 Lunch
11:45 Environmental Studies
1:15p Relax
2:45 Study
4:30 Band
6:10 Dinner
7:00 Study/French Movie
9:00 More Studying
12:30a Relax
1:00 Sleep

Wednesday
9:45a Wake-up/Shower
10:45 Great Conversation
11:50 Chemistry
12:45p Lunch
1:20 Homework Catch-up
2:00 French
3:00 Contra Lesson
4:00 Study/Goof off
6:10 Dinner
7:00 Study
12:30a Relax
1:00 Sleep

Thursday
10:00a Wake-up
11:00 Radio Show
12:00p Lunch
12:45 Environmental Studies
2:15 Relax
3:00 Study
4:50 Band
6:20 Dinner
7:00 “Friends”
8:00 Front Desk
10:00 Study
12:30a Relax
1:00 Bed

Friday
9:45a Wake-up/Shower
10:45 Great Conversation
11:50 Chemistry
12:45p Lunch
1:20 Homework Catch-up
2:00 French
3:00 Chemistry Prelab
5:00 Relax
6:10 Dinner
7:00 Party
1:30a Sleep

Saturday
11:30a Wake-up/Shower
12:30p Lunch
1:15 Study
6:00 Dinner
7:00 Playtime
12:00a Front Desk
2:00 Relax
2:30 Sleep

Sunday
11:30a Wake-up/Shower
12:30p Lunch
1:15 Study
4:00 Nap
6:00 Dinner
7:00 Study/French Movie
9:00 Coffeehouse
12:30a Relax
1:00 Sleep

Mmmmmhmmmmmmmm..........

Anyway -- here's the other half of my post:

I need to work on being less social on the weekends and at night. I want to see everyone, to run to Target on the weekends, to stay up late and sleep until I feel like getting up, but it won't work. I want all my friends to know that if they don't see my often, it's not because I don't want to be around them, but because I'm having a lot of difficult being healthy and managing to get everything done. This is especially going to hit Jimmy. Lately, the only time I spend with him during the week is while I'm at work and he stops by to do some studying, or studying together in the science center or one of our rooms... and I can barely handle that.

Resolutions:

Try to go out on Fri and Sat nights with friends and boyfriend, so that I can morally force myself to get to work during the rest of the weekend
Have about an hour a day of quiet down time in my room... preferably to tidy things up, chill out, read, or whatever
Go to the science center, or some other comfortable academic place, to read and study...
Listen to happy music whenever possible
Try to see friends at meals, smile, be happy, but not let myself socialize until I have work done for the next day

Yeah.. well, time for French class

I haven't blogged in a week! Yikes! I haven't had much free time, either, so it must seem like I've dropped off the planet, in the words of my mother. Let's see... not much is new with me. Chemistry is proving to be a real bitch and we have another quiz this friday and an exam the week after. There seems to be a lot that doesn't make sense, which is most likely because our profs wrote the book we're using and they don't always fully explain things, i.e. basic info that is crucial to understanding for dunces like me. What else? Hmmm... I am on a new crusade to eat right, exercise more, and get copious amounts of sleep to hopefully start feeling better... I haven't had energy since move-in in August and before that it wasn't even that much. If I don't get at least 9 hours of concentrated sleep time in, I feel like total shit the next day. Honestly, that's not fair! I can never get nine hours, and when I do have the opportunity, my body won't let me stay sleep. What the hell is up with that!? So, life is a bit frustrating right now, though I know it's nothing compared to what Amanda has to deal with. I find I'm missing her a lot lately... her car is acting up and she doesn't have the money to keep pouring into its gas, repairs and maitenance, so she'll have to start driving the buick (which overheats) around town and back and forth from home. In addition, she's going to be waitressing at two different restaurants to pay for these expenses, trying to fit in some homework, and dealing with a boyfriend who doesn't seem to get that she's just barely holding onto all of this. My poor girl... I wish I was there to help her out!

WA! Haven't updated in a while, though not too much to tell...

Characteristic-Lauren's blog-type list:

-survived midterms and hope they went relatively well... i'm most worried about g con (AHHH!)
-stayed at school on Fri with Jimmy... had good conversations and loafed around after tests
-managed to have second depressive episode thus far at school (off to much better start than last year and mr. hat wasn't scared or annoyed, so phew)
-came HOME!
-got hair trimmed (not the best great clips job ever done, but it'll suffice)
-helped Noah with a big project for school
-talked to Grant on phone for long period of time, gossiped like school girls, and planned for his lovely dinner this sat night
-saw movies with the Johns: "Trinity River" at the oh-so-orgasmic EP AMC theatre with the squishy, red seats and the 1950's version of "Sabrina" which was actually my first Audrey Hepburn movie and it was lovely... simply lovely. I'm going to search for "La vie en rose" as soon as I get back to school
-talked with Jimmy online and on the phone, which has been quite fun, even if we kept each other up too late
-went to doctor because I always get sick - got good lifestyle advice and will hopefully have bloodwork tests back soon... unfortunately, they poked through my vein so it bled all over in my arm and still hurts
-got to spend time in lovely red room
-went to the mall, had mini-clearance-shopping spree at Gap and oggled the shoes in Von Maur... I've decided that after the T-straps, I'm going to look into leather boots... mwa hahaha... maybe I'll get some on clearance
-brought new bras: one is pretty with flowers and lace (must show meg), the other is a neutral shade to replace the one where the underwire stabs me in public and forces me to rummage about my boobs in front of large gatherings of people (not v. good)
-am going back to school tomorrow morning, then ben and I are making the hike to Hinckley to pick up a certain person we all know
-can't wait to see people, esp. to hear about megan's weekend
-still need to use silver polish on clarinet
-am going to watch all of "A Man for All Seasons" tonight with family
-must do homework... ugh
-am going to try to speak up in con with renewed fervor and scorn for people who impose their views unfairly upon others... g con crusader of sorts, fighting for the right not to take ourselves too seriously
-ahhh... it smells good at home
-realized have not set foot in next-door catholic church in over two years...
-perhaps a visit to the unitarian church in northfield is finally in order, as is a blue mondays run as soon as humanly possible
-bye for now from a gimpy-armed girl! :) love to all

The most nicest, most thoughtful and exciting thing yet done for me:

Today, as I'm sure I've mentioned to everyone on the planet, WE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR ONE MONTH. And the we to which I refer is of course Mr. Hat and I. ;) Mwa hahhahahah! And I was told tonight that I a) would not be eating dinner in the caf and b) would be absconded at exactly 6:45pm. So, at a bit before 6:45 (according to my watch, at least), I made my way over to Hilleboe only to be met by Ben who led the way back over to Larson (which is only because I was two minutes late, says Jimmy... hmph, lol) to wait for a few minutes in the lounge. After this, I was blindfolded and led by Ben to his car where we proceeded to drive around for 20 mins in order to totally disorient me while a certain someone was carrying through with his main plan. After a bit of a dizzy and car-sick ride (after all, no horizon to look at to keep steady when blindfolded), I was led out of the car and to someplace on campus (so I inferred from the smell, breeze and leaf content on the ground), still unable to see. I was left standing in the dark for a moment before lo and behold I was able to take the bandana off my eyes to find myeslf on the hill behind Old Main standing in front of a picnic dinner (complete with taper candles, blanket, music (a la laptop), sparkling grape juice and wine glasses, and last but most certainly not least, boyfriend.) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all, I was stunned that such an exciting plan had been concocted by Jimmy in a matter of days for the celebration of certain month anniveraries. Second of all, I felt so special! :) It was sooo sweet and what a perfect way to spend a fall evening! That boy is so thoughtful! No one has ever done anything like that for me... I feel a bit spoiled, esp since, after a pizza, we got to munch on a double chocolate fudge cake that he had specially gotten at the bakery in town while listening to excellent romantic type songs. Among the bests: Everything I Do (from the critically acclaimed (by the St. Olaf Band) movie, Robin Hood: Prince of Theives. Mwa hahahahaaha... life cannot get any better and I have the most wonderful boyfriend ever.

Ok, some interesting events happened since my last blog. Unfortunately, one of them contributes to the fact that I haven't yet updated this to tell everyone. Well. Here we go:

Good news:
-chem lab was actually fun this week and thanks to my mad work, we finished A HALF AN HOUR AHEAD OF SCHEDULE! This brings unprecedented joy to my heart as I have time to chill after daunting chemical tasks and a lot of iodine everywhere
-Grant played me the piece he wrote my for my birthday and WOW! That's about all a girl can say... just that it was incredible and I was incredibly ashamed for not having heard it earlier? What was my problem? I just don't know.
-Jimmy and I will have officially been dating for a month tomorrow. WOOT! :) I am completely thrilled. We have a very interesting way of interacting and I think it takes some people by surprise. I suppose that will happen when you are friends for quite some time prior to going out and have steadily teased one another as much as he and I do. Mwa hahahahahahaha. But seriously, I can tell him anything, anything on my mind at all whether it concerns classes, grades, he and I, home, music, ponderings of what penguins might be up to AS I SPEAK (I mean, who wouldn't want to think about them?), and hearing about the cats as I occasionally pick bits of hair off my clothing and play the "whose fur is this" game. lol... you just don't find someone that patient and kind and fun and super-fricking nice to you and that you love to be around like.. ever. That was totally incoherent, but I think I get my point across: Jimmy, you're awesome!
-I realized this weekend what good friends I have... particularly in the dept of John K., John A., Grant (well duh there), Meg (another duh) and Jimmy (a super big duh). The Johns were here on Sat and John K and I devoured a pizza on Fri night. It was such a good time. I love them all. I really do.
-Hmmm... Andromeda (for those who don't know, this is my laptop) is fixed and happy for the moment (for the moment being the key phrase here). Who knows how long that will last?
-Grant lent me Delilah, his second-born child, for the week in case my own baby dies again. Jimmy lent me his wireless internet base and all I can say is that it rocks to type in bed!
-The sky is very blue today.
-I am not too-horribly tired
-Despite that, I plan to collapse on Jimmy and Jacob's futon today at precisely 1:16.... good plan.

Bad news:
-no fort contest because Meg and Grant got lost in the cities and then Grant's beautiful new Blazer's transmission started to go. Talk about a bad day.
-ummm... no one freak out (esp. you, Mom) but Grant, Meg and I had a small run-in with Public Safety over the weekend. Don't worry, we didn't get in any trouble, but I did spend a significant portion of the night hiding in a strange house's windowell. For further details, ask me personally. Talk about a bad night, esp for Grant and Megan who had already paid their "today sucks" dues.
-afterwards, Peter and Mia decided to have an intervention. It's certainly their perogative to talk to Grant if they feel he's going astray, has become a "follower" of Megan and I, like he's not reaching his full potential, etc. but they picked the worst time to do it. Grant was so upset that he was physically sick and then they started in on him. I mean, honestly!!!!! How could any person ALIVE have been expected to patiently take their criticisms, complaints and insults (saying Grant has no mind of his own) at this point? He's just had one of the worst days of his life. He doesn't need anyone to make it even more horrible. I called Grant's room after we got back because Meg and I guessed he was getting reamed out. And he was. And I tried to talk reasonably to Peter. I understood that he and Mia cared about Grant, but I wanted to make it clear that anything they said tonight would have a bad and negative effect and that they would do well to discuss it tomorrow, but apparently Peter was holding the phone away from his ear. :( So much for the voice of reason. Then Grant picked up and told me what was occuring (WWIII) and I could hear Peter screaming in anger and frustration in the background and (I think) hitting something. It was terrifying to listen to! It reminded me of times at home when Dad was so mad at me that I was afraid he'd do something.... I was shocked to hear that over the phone... I told Grant to come over to Hilleboe and just leave the situation be. So we all sat sort of shatted that night, watching the Princess Bride. To top it all off, I came back to my room to find my laptop was completely broken.

The following morning at 7:30am, I left with the St. Olaf Band in the buses to give a concert in Richland Center, WI. After a cumulative total of 8 hours in a bus, I was wiped when I got home. Andromeda still wasn't working and I was greatly saddened to learn that Peter was no longer friends with Megan. They had started talking on the internet the summer before we all moved in and it seems terrible to just trash all of that. Oh well... it's not my place to interfere.

Anyway, yesterday classes dragged on and I felt completely drained from the band trip, even though I had ample amounts of sleep. I still feel quasi-sick today. What is wrong with me? Am I just over-sensitive to normal headaches and pangs that other people ignore? Do I get sick at the drop of a hat because I have a weak immune system? I can't understand why I seem to need about 9 hours of sleep a night (and sometimes still feel tired) and why I go from cold to cold and don't feel better! ACK! Who knows....

So, three tests on Friday. I started studying for french yesterday and I'll hit the chemistry today, too. Great con... god himself only knows how I'll pull out of that one. Time to make study guides, I guess.

OOH! One more really good piece of news: I worked at the coffeehouse last night and it was AWESOME! By far, this will be the best job I've had. I like making snacks and drinks, the people I've met are all great, good music is always playing and you get to interact with people from the dorm. YAY! That makes me happy thinking about it... I can't wait to work next week! WAIT! Shoot... it'll be two weeks from now. See? I'm sad.

Anyway, time to eat some food -- talk to ya'll later!

Hmmm... no fortbuilding today... My fort team wasn't around so I went back to bed and this was lovely. And then I took a shower and shaved my legs (also lovely) and then tweezed my eyebrows (sorely needed to be done) and now all is good. Except lotion... could really use some lotion. And easy mac and ahhhhhh, that's better. Warm, cheesy easy mac. Where have you been all my life?

What else is new with me? This weekend we have a performance in Richland Center, WI, which is a tiny little town south of La Crosse. The SOB hightails it at 9am Sunday morning and is [hopefully] back by 9pm the same night. Phew, that'll be a long day. But fun. Yes, very fun. Bass clarinet power! :) Hopefully we'll have master Dr. Mahr's new piece by the time it's featured in public performance....

There's a fort building contest in the Larson Coffeehouse this Saturday! HOW FUN IS THAT!? I need to make a plan! And get supplies... excellent, excellent.

I boycotted blogging for a while because I didn't have anything pleasant to write. However, this is going to change. I will find good things to say about my regulars and classes and not focus on nasty-smelling beetles that sizzle. My away message last night:

this is gonna sound sick, but I'm having a lot of fun right now taking the Japanese beetles and roasting them on the lightbulb of my floor lamp to hear them sizzle. Ah the smell of environmental venegeance!

Perhaps my pleasure in the destruction of foul, invasive species is a little too high? Oh well, soon enough the frost will do them away. 'Tis the life of a seasonal nuisance.

And now,

I was poking around the St. Olaf website and found fun things that Dean Kneser and his wife had compiled for students to do on dates with significant others or friends or whatever. We should do these and soon!

Play hide-and-seek in a cemetery.
Throw a "How to Host a Murder Party." If you do not have a set of instructions with character roles and plot background, borrow one…get people to dress for the part.
Get 50 yards of plastic sheeting at a building supply store, buy a couple of gallons of generic vegetable oil and make your own Slip 'n Slide®.
Go to Econo Foods® and pretend you are doing a psychological study on embarrassment. Find out how many people will actually tell you their most embarrassing moment.
Play "Capture the Flag" in K-Mart®.
Play "Hair Salon." Get some hair spray, sculpting gel and make outrageous hairstyles for each other. Don’t let your date see it until you are done.
Make and throw paper airplanes off of the balcony in Buntrock Commons or in the Chapel.
Dress up in suits and go downtown with a set of walkie-talkies and play spy vs. spy.
Race Hot Wheels® cars down St. Olaf Avenue.
Build a snowman outside of your friends' window to greet them when they get up in the morning (Grant and Peter this is for you!!)
Climb inside of a big cardboard appliance box and slide down Old Main Hill when it's icy
In the fall, get a bag of tulip, crocus, or daffodil bulbs and plant them in people's yards at night. In the spring, go back and look for them popping up all around town (sometimes called Green Vandalism).
In the fall, go into town, pick a house, and rake their leaves and jump in the pile. Leave them a note thanking them for the use of their yard. In the winter, go back to the same house and shovel their snow. Leave them another note.
Tell ghost stories on the back steps of Old Main at midnight on Halloween.
Roll down Old Main hill in the fall. Then parade around campus wearing your "Souvenirs". (Rolling down twice is good - three times makes you sick).
Go to a local reception hall (The Legion), dress up and join a wedding reception, birthday or retirement party.
Chaperone a Junior High dance together.
Create a Latin Dance Club in your room. Dress up in sexy outfits and dance the night away. (Dean Kneser!!!)
Go downtown and try your hand at being street musicians. See how much money you can make. (meg?)
Get a hold of a record player, some old 45's, and have a retro dance party in your room.
Watch the Discovery Channel but turn the volume off and do your own voice-overs.
Go downtown to Bridge Square and people watch…make up stories about the people who are there.
Go to Target dressed in khaki pants and red shirt. Walk around and pretend to be employees, helping people.
Sit on the curb near the St. Olaf entrance with a sign that says, "___or bust!" with really outrageous places on it. See if you get any rides.
Go try on outrageous clothing together at Ragstock or Target’s clearance section. Create some stylish outfits for each other and model the outfits. If cheap enough, buy the clothes and wear them around town for the rest of the day.
Squirrel stalking.

I thinks that's enough for now kids... we should plan to do one of these on Friday night!

On behalf of Megan,

I would like to dedicate tonight's rant to her problems with Charlie's parents. Megan is a nice girl, she is a polite girl, she has been clearly brought up with good manners and is never offensive toward anyone. How the Wilkins parents could have missed this meeting her several times is beyond me. And honestly, who should know better than her roommate? Meg's a wonderful person and I am astounded at how she's been treated by Charlie's family, especially his dad. Meg: we love you! Don't worry about those meanies!

A really bitter entry:

There was going to be this dance in the Pause for Homecoming. Thinking it was Fri night, I was really excited and talked to most of my non-enthusiastic friends about going. Two said sure, one doesn't like dances, another said maybe, and two said they'd play pool instead. Well. Then I realized this dance was the same night as my concert and band party. Drat. Even better than dancing is meeting new and nice people from band, thus establishing friendships and bonding pre-Mexico tour. But, I didn't want to completely miss the Pause, either. So, I thought I'd split my time between the two. Anna and I were gonna hit up the band social at 10, then make our way to the Pause at 11, then I'd go to work at 12.

Right. We waited outside Christiansen for nearly 30 mins, me freezing, and hangin out until the organizers of this soiree showed up. And they did, 45 mins later than planned, only to tell us that the bandie party had been moved to the Norweigan House, which was all the way down Old Main Hill. I had planned concretely to find Grant and Jimmy at 11pm in the Pause, so clearly this wouldn't work. I had said I would call the others (Jacob, Megan who seemed to be hanging out on their own for the night) when I was heading to the Pause. After calling Grant and Jimmy, Anna, Audrey (who came along) made our way down to the Norweigan House in the cold, trying to steer clear of Public Safety.

We stayed there for a while, meeting bandies and having a generally great time. At about 11:30 (after not too long at the party I'd really wanted to go to), I asked Audrey and Anna if they wanted to stop by the Pause. I figured, though I was later than expected (obviously) but that I'd left an informative away message up and that anyone who needed to find me could talk to Grant and Jimmy, that I could call Meg and Jacob when I got there.

Ok, so we walk up, it's cold, but we make it inside the Pause at 11:40ish to find everyone (including Jacob and Megan who I figured "ahah! I don't have to call them: they're here already!") there hanging out. We planned to stay and chill for a bit before work. However, Megan decided to head back and Grant disappeared. Meh, it was all good. Jacob, Anna, Audrey, Jimmy, Ben and I danced for a bit and then decided the music was not-so-good, and it was 12:10 and I ran to work. I thought everything was ok, because plans change and it's not a huge deal if you're late and you have a good reason and you let at least someone know to alert the rest. Right? Haha.

Grant comes with Jimmy to Larson while I'm working to deliver the message that everyone's "really mad I ditched them." WHAT THE HELL!? Band, guys, is a big deal. A bigger deal to be in than you non-music folk might realize. And meeting people is important. And if the party is delayed an hour, then you roll with the punches and manage to show up for a little while. I realize that I said I'd be calling and heading to the Pause around 11. This didn't work out. Big deal -- I'm sorry I couldn't make it at 11. I got there within an hour. It's my choice whether or not I think socializing with my band is important enough to be late to something else. So be a friend and try to be understanding! No one left me ims wondering where I was, no messages on the board or on the answering machine! It's not like anyone else ever bothers to organize things to do on the weekends...

And so, I explained things to Grant, we agreed that there was a mutual miscommunication, and that things would be ok in the future as long as changes in plans were specified and complaints voiced. I talked to Jacob a bit, and though I went to sleep fuming, I think it's ok. Meg? She didn't talk to me all through lunch. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not worth her time... like our friendship is mundane because we lived together last year. But maybe that's just because I feel like she goes out of her way to see people like Jacob. I promised Charlie to watch out for her, but she rarely tells me anything of import these days, so who knows.......

The bulk of why I'm bothered isn't that my friends called me on being late when I had plans with them. It's that I tried to make it known where I was/why I wasn't on time, and though they knew this, they weren't at all understanding. It's the St. Olaf Band, by God. And it was my first concert. And it was a big deal. And I didn't want to feel like I couldn't adjust my schedule when things outside my control changed... I guess next time I won't bother to invite people to do anything. I've learned my lesson there.

Do yourself a favor: get a map of the US. Read where the states are, learn their capitals, get a feel for major land forms, time zones, basic climates and cultures. Then you won't be an geographic ignoramus!

I've decided that I look like a ghost today. I sort of feel like I'm floating, my voice is weird, and there's no color in my face. Yup, a ghost. It's actually quite amusing.

Lauren's thought bubble today...

Feeling better -- can walk up stairs without wanting to tumble over
Laundry? The fresh warm clean clothes=goodness
probably ought to practice an etude for Dr. Polley
wonder if she thinks I am technically-inept slacker clarinet player...
is my mouthpiece fixed yet? can it be fixed? oh dear... horrid thoughts of having bits of paper rolled up under my ligature for the concert make me shudder
soul calibur II... mmmmm... that's right, Kilik
Orlando Bloom is very good looking with pointy, elf ears
maybe I should do the dishes... I think things are growing in some of them
3 whole hours to do whatever I please=luxury
pizza from grant and peter yesterday was yummy
printer crisis will finally be averted by entrance of a new love into my life: the HP 5550
interesting to think of one's prized possessions as animate and owning some type of soul
erica's music mix is tres good ... ooh! moby now
my flowers from jacob are finally wilting
cannot do stand crew this weekend as family is coming and have not seen father since heart surgery... such is the stands' lot
concert! ack! wow... that's very soon... what if I sound terrible!?
MY LESSON IS TOMORROW!
I Love NY
thought bubbley pages=much funness
chris is leaving for england on fri... I would be scared if it were me, but he's not
wonder what penguins in antarctica are doing right now
need knee-high-fuck-me boots from home, simply for the pleasure of having them here
also need black concert shoes from mom
also could use canvas mary janes (so comfortable)
i like shoes
i think i have a shoe fetish
they really do get me excited!
is that odd?
no, methinks everyone would love shoes as much as i if they had the gift
macaroni penguins=tres cool
environmental studies was outside today! it was highly exciting, sitting on the hill and looking out across the country
methinks i need to observe some of the sunsets behind hoyme hall...
methinks i should boycott shoes tonight
methinks the caf would kick me out
haha... nice try caf workers!
it is highly liberating to have a stream of consciousness journal entry, makes one feel very content with life as it is
bed needs to be made
my bed is soft, and nice, and pretty, and my happy place
am drinking a big glass of milk
methinks i need a moustache
haha, there we go
yum
milk
i hope this doesn't go bad too soon
nope
i'll drink it all up before that happens
sometimes, it's most fun to pretend you're really very young and on holiday from your home, parents, cats, etc., but that you'll be going back to being a child again soon
maybe the milk takes me back
i think i still pretend a lot of things
it's very fun to imagine yourself as someone else, someplace else, and farrrr from this time
maybe i'll just be a child forever
and just pretend that i grew up, went to college, etc.
yes, i think that's a very good idea
back to playing now :)

JESUS! THE SAME DAMN PRINTER INACCESSABILITY AS LAST WEEK! WHEN WILL THIS END!?

WOOT! WOOT! WOOOOOOT!

So, here's my printer rant: I think all the printers in this school are conspiring against us. I tried four of them today before I could get my ES paper to print. Coincidence? Nay, it's a plot! Think about it -- the printers can communicate too easily with one another, too easily! We're letting them bring seige upon us! There they sit in our bulidings, dorms and rooms, looking bored and innocent. What else do they plan to do but conspire to take over the school... making it impossible to print our papers when we need to. Bastards. Then one day, they all stop and what do we do? We can't turn in assignments, so we flunk out. St. Olaf no longer gets our every last penny, so it can't afford to stay open. And then the printers have taken over! Do yourself a favor and kick the next one you see before it can bite your legs off. Yeah, that's right, BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!!!!!

After Grant's profuse amounts of comforting beverages and quite a bit of counseling (is this his calling? I'm not sure, but he's damn good at it), I decided I ought to talk to Jimmy... Just to get a few things off my chest, mind you, but I still was dragging my feet. We went to see "Au Revoir Les Enfants" with Kris, Jacob, and Brittany Bensch for French. I have to say, it's silly that I haven't hung around Kris for longer -- she's just so much fun! Afterwards, we (the Hat and I <- that nickname just sticks!) walked back to Hilleboe. Jacob was sure to plan everything so that way he'd be gone for 2+ hours and we could, then everything would be ok again, we could all live happily ever after with some garden gnomes. These are, of course, essential. Well, we talked, and it was quite good. I certainly felt more relieved. And then it was back to French and Chem studying and the occasional love-fest with Sir Thomas and his Utopia. Anyway, it was nearly 1 am, and though I don't have classes til late on Monday mornings, I still wanted to get back to Larson and crash. However, did this happen? I started to say good night to him, giving him a hug, etc. and the hug lingered and we just sat talking on the floor. Jacob had long since gone to bed, but had cheerfully told me as he was climbing onto the loft that I could stay and even be loud, he'd just turn on some fans (how wise that man is!). Vwellll... one thing led to another and then we were kissing. And it wasn't distracted, "what am I doing" kissing, it was excellent, purposeful, and quite a bit more than fun. Now (and you'll all shriek with laughter here), after over an hour had passed (Jacob was asleep like a rock, don't worry) in this spirit, I actually started to get ready to go. You know all those fun little comments that always seem to get said at exactly the right time in exactly the right situation in movies, but you never can duplicate that sort of timing in real life? Yeah, well, now I have found that such realities do exist... and ummm, wow. Well -- this has been detailed enough to satisfy even Grant and Meg's desires, so I am going to continue studying and... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ok, so here's my bit: sometimes, you meet a person who leaves such a deep imprint upon you that even if you meet someone new, it's like a few drops of rain in a deep hole and even if now, it's raining, it still doesn't fill that up...

Grant and Nic had very good ways of advising me on this:

Nic's advice: "about this chris thing, it reminds me about the situation I had with Nicole... for a long time I believed her my soul mate and everytime I would meet a girl I would try comparing her to Nicole in some way or form... being oh she is cool like Nicole, but still not her, but I will still try getting to know that girl anyways... I just kept on doing that for a while, until I eventually realized that no one will be her but her, no one will ever be the same... part of that has really hurt trying to look past because she was who I considered my soulmate for a while, but eventually the musicbox will stop and you will be left with the options either go and focus your life on what that person was to you and what the relationship was like, or go forward realizing everything that is to come is a new expierence mayhap in the end better than what you had with that person you got close to."

Grant's advice: "if such a thing can make us better people, than i think it is worthwhile. it may not be an earth-shattering romance. it may not even be a remarkable romance, at least to begin with, but it's still an opportunity to be with another human being and an opportunity to become a better human being."

Clearly, they have a lot more wisdom than I do in this case! :)