Welllllll.... Today is Christmas Eve. I know I should try to pretend I'm having fun at home and being happy. So here's the good stuff first. Those of you in the Christmas mood need not read the end.

Yesterday, Jimmy came down to spend the day with me. And it was by far the best day I've had all break or, for that matter, in a looong, long time. He got here at about 11am after a few car troubles before setting out. We went to Southdale Mall and just wandered, then we ate sushi at a place in EP. I dragged him into Pier One and my goodness we had a lovely time winding our way through that store. :) Everything that had been wrong or sad over the break seemed never to have existed. We went back to my house and baked and decorated cookies -- a good deal of flour ended up on shirts, faces, and in hair. (And, by God, my parents let him into our kitchen, which had been amply cleaned up from its usual state and smell...) Wendy stopped by quickly to meet him and to give me this nifty plate she had made in high school ceramics that said, what else, FLAP on it. :) Then we ate dinner with my family. I watched Jimmy polish off an entire gigantic stuffed pork chop, lol. Then we went to see the newest edition to my British actor obsession, Love Actually, complete with Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, and Alan Rickman. Goodness, that's like 3/4 of the Sense and Sensibility cast right there. It was quite sugary and romantic, but it was most sweet, especially to see on a night of being with the person you love most before Christmas. Then he and I passed through Barnes and Noble and back out to my car. We decided, though it was nearly 10 and he needed to leave, to stop by this magnificent house in Chanhassen that always puts up the most mind-boggling Christmas display. Dozens of diaramas with moving subjects, live reindeer, llamas, and lambs, hundred foot weeping willows, illuminated with lights, and a lighted carosel, nativity scene, and many more scenes... even a small gallery of lit lawn ornament penguins. I was in heaven, but then I always am to wander through this yard. People come from all over MN (and farther away, too) to see this home and Jimmy could certainly see why. But most importantly, even beyond penguins, it was so wonderful to be there with him. We drove back to my house, knowing it was time to go. After a cup full of hot coffee, cookies, treats for his family, and a lot of goodbyes from me, I watched him drive away. I stood on our doorstep and waved, but before he left, he opened the door to say bye and that he loved me... Jimmy I hope you heard me respond! :) What a perfect day! Someday perhaps we won't have to say goodbye for Christmas.

After gushing a bit to my mother, I went to sleep early. Just as I was falling asleep, I saw what it would be like to marry him... Grant and Megan were up there (she even had her hair up for me!!!) with us. Grant wasn't even wearing his glasses, lol. And Jimmy's family was there, and so was Amanda. I pictured my Dad dressed up and Santosy was up next to Grant, as was Jimmy's friend Scott. It was bizarre, but vivid. Anyway, one can't be accountable for what runs through her head just as she's falling alseep. Don't roll your eyes, Meg!

This morning, I lazed about for a bit watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas" before going downstairs. Of course, my dad was watching football in the living room... ugh. Every day of break, so far, he's watched football and I've kept my mouth shut about how much I hate having it on. Not only that, but he's recorded it on multiple VCRs at a time throughout the house while watching it! So today, while I was hanging Christmas cards and decorations in the living room, I asked politely (with decorations and masking tape in hand) if we could watch something else, that we've watch football every day so far and I wasn't sure if he knew, but I hated the sound of it, and since it was Christmas Eve and we were both working in the living room, could we change the channel? My response was a change to the Food Network and an obnoxious cooking show (an improvement at least), and a biting"why don't you find some productive to do!" I mean, my God, not only had I mentioned that I was working on something, I had tape and card in hand as I was hanging them up. Talk about killing an already weak Christmas spirit. I started to get upset, saying "I JUST said I'm working on something in here, I'm holding tape and a card to hang up!!! Don't tell me to start working on something like I'm not already helping!" Of course then, both my mom and dad started in at this last statement saying "you're being unpleasant! It's Christmas Eve, for God's sake!!!" But how could ANYONE ANYWHERE honestly expect to just smile and nod at being told they're lazy in that damn manner, especially by someone who spends the better part of their life lying on the couch and disallowing anyone else to spend time in the only living area in the house!!!! I tried. I had been trying. I had been trying to ignore the slightly rotten food, the bickering pervading every part of the house, the grime, the dirt in the bathroom, the lack of any space to just relax in, other than my tiny bedroom, in which anyone would go crazy after spending day after day in it, the unpleasant father for whom I have both mingled dislike and deep sadness, my beautiful car which used to be clean and odor-free (except for Meg that one time... though it was well-cleaned afterward) and has now become yet another storage receptacle for the things my dad drags out of the back of the grocery store with its now strange smell and the grime everywhere on the inside. Nothing is free of this! I've been trying to be happy, to be glad to be home at Christmastime, to look forward to presents, and seeing family, and hot chocolate, but I CANNOT!!! Not like this. So I went upstairs after my job was finished, locked my door, and having been sitting on my bed, trying not to cry at reading a sweet email from Jimmy, listening to Christmas carols, and writing a blog post. This is my outlet, and this is just about my breaking point. I don't know what to do from here. I know I'm being bad and not helping out to get ready for my aunt and uncle tonight, but I can't take this and I know all I'll do downstairs is end up ruining everyone else's Christmas, anyway. Best to just sit tight for a while, methinks.