Things went from bad to worse...

I waited upstairs until I thought I had cooled down a bit. I took a shower, got dressed, and ate something. I overheard my Dad talking about me to Noah, which I'm certain was nothing complementary or even remotely positive. So... I went downstairs to see what was up. My dad was mopping the entry way floor (something that happens maybe once every year, maybe). Since the whole floor was wet, I sat on the stairs staring off into space and thinking "well, this is awkward" until my dad interrupted my reverie by asking me to go back upstairs if I was going to be unpleasant. I was just sitting there! But of course, to even mention anything that might disagree with what Dad thinks is to ruin his day. So obviously, I ruined him birthday, most of break, and today. That feels super. Anyway, so I was trying to point out that I came downstairs this morning with only the best of intentions, to do lots of chores, to get along, and to try and enjoy the company of my family. And asking to turn the TV to another channel (see first blog post) and saying that I really hated listening to football all the time = ruination. Things escalated quickly and I got called a hateful child, among other things. I said that I wish he could be visited by three spirits in the night, perhaps that would change his opinions and attitudes toward his family (not a calming statement, but certainly not as vicious)... I ran upstairs to grab my purse and I could hearing arguing from downstairs. I grabbed my keys and my coat and made for the door. My mom came after me, going in about how I woke up this morning with a chip on my shoulder. Whatever! I tried, I did. I asked what time company was coming and she said something along the lines of "you actually CARE they're coming?" She yelled at me to go drive to Jimmy's or something. I was crying at this point and I started for the car (which someone had moved to the farthest away spot in the driveway). My Dad came out, suddenly in his acting element, saying things like "I love you, Lauren" but in a terrible and forced voice. I gave him the finger. I couldn't help it! When I kept going toward the car, his new coaxing persona melted. But I was gone... no gloves, no hat, nothing. I drove as quickly away, going to the Christmas house, to Excelsior, around Chanhassen, walking through Target (I pretended that I was in Northfield, that Megan was looking at sweaters, at lingerie and that soon she'd come get me and we'd go back home and there would be Jimmy waiting for me. Then we'd get Grant and everything would be wonderful, and warm, and no one would be yelling at me, or thinking that I permanently was unpleasant and irritating and that I was trying to ruin their Christmas. I wandered out and drove home. I walked in and no one looked up. My mom pointedly told me that if I wanted to be helpful [finally] I could set the table... so I did, slowly fingering the silverware my grandmother left me before she died. What a terrible Christmas. And now, everyone's coming in 30 mins, but there won't be that many of them, so they'll certainly know something happened and I don't know what to do. And now someone just unplugged the phone line I was using. Charming. Simply charming. I don't know what to do.